A million apologies and sorries.

Nothing to say.

Just, sorry to the people I've caused problems to.
I know I'm the cause of a lot of things and I've apparently caused everything to go haywire cuz I tried to help people voice out their opinions about the class tee. (yeah I'm waaaay too direct most of the time)

But I had to, cuz people were really getting fed up, like Justin Ong (no, not my junior Justin Ong. The sec3 one in my class). He didn't even wanna buy the class jersey cuz he didn't like it at all.

I know some of you tell me its not my fault and not to blame myself but I feel it is.. even tho the situation's been explained out to me.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Gomenasai...

I love you guys.
But I don't find unity in the class. Seriously. How many of you guys think we're united?

So many problems in my fucked up life.

I'm sorry but I can't keep a happy blog.

Cuz life's like this.

I can't smile everyday and pretend everything's alright.
I've got my own problems but I never felt a need to share cuz, seriously, what for burden someone else with your own thoughts?

But I guess bottling things up never did work. See la, exploded infront of my dears today during recess. Even skipped recess just cuz I didn't have to mood to eat.. and spent it crying..
(and Weiming saw me standing outside class with Jiaqi comforting me.. opps)

And even using the tip of the scotchstape dispenser to slash at my wrists and using my broken fingernails to claw at my wrists cuz I didn't have a penknife (sorry Aaron and Isabelle). Hahhhhh.

Really stupid but when you're really upset about life, you'll always find alternatives.
(but I learnt my lesson cuz when the lines got a bit swollen/puffed up and red, I got scared of scars =.=)

I'm now determined to tackle my problems. One by one. And I know which one to start with. Even tho I know a lot of the problems in my life now can't be solved, no one said there's no such thing as trying and believing in yourself.

Totally didn't wanna sail today.

1. no boat (I know who takes away NSC14..)
2. no sail
3. no powerboat (or rather, both the NSC tractors to bring out the powerboat broke down)
4. not in the mood to after what happened during recess in class

We didn't sail in the end and spent time watching sailing vids of world championships and theories etc in the auditorium and classroom cuz the tractors were spoilt.

But thanks to a few people who played "monkey" with me today in the auditorium before we watched the slideshow thing (Ning, Drey, Belle, Cheeteng, Nick Wong, Justin Ong, Joshua (not Kwok), Quin), I was all cheered up after that cuz playing monkey with them is so much fun! Thanks you guys, cuz even if you didn't realise it, you people made my day & made me smile and laugh-y for the rest of the day. :]

I just wished I could remain happy for like, the rest of the year. :(

I'm not wallowing myself into self-pity. But seriously,
I FIND MYSELF USELESS. A REALLY USELESS BEEYATCH (it means bitch).

Doing terribly for studies, suckish in handling friendships and relationships, useless in my CCA, never was helpful towards my friends esp when they need help for studies, very proud, suck in hiphop, unfilial to my gran(ma), not aspiring to go JCs like RJC etc like what my cousins do, always disappointing my parents, always moodswinging (esp towards friends)..

So this is what life's like?
I'd rather die.


Take Me Away
>Avril Lavigne
(I bolded a few sentences.. just to let you know how I feel and how the situation's like.)

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away