G E E B E E ▲ ∆



Gwendolyn N.
26 years young, a dreamer struggling ever so slightly to not let the world's negativities consume her.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Mom

I have no idea why but I suddenly felt like blogging about my mom.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm spending a lot less time at home now due to dance. When I leave home for school my parents are either already at work (that's the case for my dad) or asleep (my mom), and when I come home from dance at around 12-1am almost every night, my parents are already fast asleep.

Due to all this I only see my parents a few hours per day? Sometimes even lesser than that.

Aaaand due to the huge decrease in the amount of time I spend with my family, I actually notice a lot more about them now then I ever did.

Like how my mom is undeniably aging.

(And to emphasize on that fact, we talked about how she has become a 'lao gim' or grandaunt and how I am now a proud aunty because of my little niece Nicole.)

It pains me to admit but everytime I look at her I notice the fine lines on her face, her increasing amount of grey hairs.

My mom is nothing but an awesome - although very cheesily put - Superwoman in my eyes.

Recently I've been overwhelmed by fatigue. I've been pushing my body to it's limits with very little hours of sleep each night and VERY long dance hours and it's finally getting it's revenge.

When my mom found out, all she could do was to try to coax me to sleep earlier each night. She'd shoo me to her room after I'm done showering so that she could use the hairdrier to dry my hair, and I'd normally fall asleep for that short period of time.

She would make sure my dad fetched me to and fro whenever he was free, and cared for my weak tummy when I complained how much pain I was in because she knew I was too tired and too lazy to care for myself at this point of time.

A mother who wakes up at 6am every day to make lunch for her fussy, weight-concious and healthy-eating-obsessed daughter. A mother who cried when she found out her kid was going through a rough time in school. A mother who makes her kids' beds every time because she knows they both wake up late and rush for school. A mother who fulfills her daughter's ridiculous demands..

I love my mother, and I seldom say this to her or my dad because I am not the mommy/daddy's girl kind of person. I've always loved and appreciated them but I'm not the type to get all lovey-dovey with my parents. But I definitely have been telling my mom I love her a lot more often now.

I can't imagine what it'd be like to lose her.

She is such an amazing woman and frankly speaking she's taught me a lot. Even though I got my stubbornness from her and my fiery temper from my dad, they've both taught me to keep these in check and I've never been more thankful for such a supportive and loving family.

Whenever my friends look at the food I've brought from home and tell me stuff like: "Omg your mom is so awesome!" and most recently - from Jessica - "You wanna swap moms?".. I feel all....... warm and fuzzy inside.

I need to start showing my parents how much I love them and how much I care.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

That's how We Roll

SDZ hip hop Senior batch AY12/13

2012, bring it on!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Oh wait guys.....

I AM A FRESHIE NO MORE!
Bring on DMC Year 2!

Monday Blues


Before and after a haircut.

Please pardon the pimples on the chin! 3 in a row ugh that's a new record.

Hair looks the same though. But hey my hairstylist had my hair layered more on purpose so as to let it grow out nicer. Gotta love (and stick to) a hairstylist when he actually listens to what you want and had in mind.

I can't believe I start school at 8am EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And yet here I am online and wide awake at 2.38am when I begin my first day as a year 2 student in Singapore Polytechnic tomorrow. Epic shit. Best thing? I start my week with Gen Ed at 8am. If it weren't for Gen Ed I would wake up at 8am (to be at school by 10am) instead!

On a side note, say hi to the new Publications person in SDZ's new committee.

Da-yum, I'm feeling the stress already.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Hello

My blog is so dead.

On a random side note, hello! I'm back from Genting (had a short getaway there with the dancers) with loads of foutous (slang it like you mean it guuuuuurl)

As much as I would like to blog about my trip there with bits about how car-sick I felt, I have to get up at 6am for a performance tomorrow for SP's International Students Club? And boy am I feeling the stress.

I'm no longer dancing for myself. I've been dreading dance, and getting up for anything dance/SDZ has been a chore. I no longer feel the love and passion I once had for dance because all I feel now is the stress that comes packaged with graduating from being a year 1 junior to become a senior.

Even with the getaway, I found myself stressing about dance all the time. Keyword here being 'stress'. I've never coupled the words 'dance' and 'stress' together and I'm not exactly proud of it.

I don't feel the music anymore. My cyphers have become shit and I'm starting to feel shit about myself and my dance. Don't ge me wrong - I'm not seeking attention nor am I trying to be this person who wallows in self pity, but think about it - dance is my LIFE.

To be feeling this way about something that you consider to be your life.. how shitty would YOU feel?

And being away in Genting just made me realise.. why I've been so depressed, so lifeless, so dull and reluctant during trainings?

I've not been dancing for myself. That's why.