G E E B E E ▲ ∆



Gwendolyn N.
26 years young, a dreamer struggling ever so slightly to not let the world's negativities consume her.


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Unicornian

GOOD EVENING GUYS!

Look at what I'm wearing to sleep again!

It's been a while since I last wore my PE shirts to sleep. Always felt that there was a need to "preserve" them cuz MFSS only sells those God-awful dry-fit ones now. These original PE shirts are like, considered rare.

God knows why I take so much pride in being in Unicorn house. I swear, it was fate that made me get into a house that was represented by the colour red.


Gonna go out with Geisel (and hopefully Sheri, Pika, Chan, Azrul.. IF they reply their texts) tomorrow to shop and chill! FOREVER21 ANYBODY?????????! Can't wait! Gotta love impromptu plans like that really ;) And hopefully lunch with the family before that because it's been weeks since I last sat down to have a proper meal with them and I gotta admit, I really miss them.


Today was a terribly exhausting day I suppose. Both mentally and physically.

Felt like I was battling some sort of mental war with my emotions. On one hand I was telling myself not to let criticism get to me and to let it manifest into something that's destroying me. On the other hand, I was telling myself how useless I am and how I can't do anything but dance.

I don't really feel motivated to dance anymore.

When was the last time I did something for myself? Since months ago maybe? That's why I can't wait for tomorrow's shopping + chilling trip with Sel. Gonna spend the weekend clearing my thoughts before coming back full-force on Monday to dance my best for/with Rustique. Walked out on them today because my emotions got the better of me, and I feel like I can't let them down anymore.

So yes, this weekend is THE GWEN WEEKEND.

Everything I do this weekend will be for ME. If I dance/shop/drink/chill/whatever, it's all for me, myself and I.

I need to get my old self back. Need to stop weeping over nothing and need to stop being such a pathetic crybaby. The Gwen everyone knows always picks herself up.

Always.

Friday, August 26, 2011

DMC/FT/1B/01



Hi y'all! This is the DMC/FT/1A(soon to be 1B)/01 that I really miss!

I guess we started out really strong but along the way schoolwork and project work got to us, which really sucks. I miss the old and more fun class that made me look forward to lessons everyday.

Can't wait for our class chalet ;)

To digress, it just started to rain and when I was closing my room's windows I looked down to see a man running from my block to the block opposite (there's no shelter linking the two blocks). Then I realised it was my dad. The poor man goes to work at this time everyday. Sometimes I wished I was someone famous or something, then I could provide for my parents because I've only seen them slog their asses off at work since I was a kid. My brother and I were always left to the maids to tend to, which really sucks because I seldom got to see them.

Then now it's my turn -- they hardly get to see me because I spend everyday dancing and only coming home after 12am.

I really miss my family!

Oh well. Speaking of dance.. I don't feel motivated to dance. Not anymore.

I don't know why I'm allowing the stress from a frickin' KPOP competition get to me/affect my passion for dance so badly. I'm so passionate about hip hop! JAPANESE-STYLE hip hop, not LA hip hop.

But I'm tired. Tired of being the one dancer to get steps wrong, tired of being the only one in the crew to forget steps, tired of being the only one that can't catch steps/techniques as fast as the rest of the crew, tired of taking more time to process steps, tired of being the one with no control, tired of being the only one being put down by my fellow crew members for not dancing as well as the rest. I'm tired of not having the guts to express my unhappiness when something's not right, tired of being capable of only shedding tears because I don't have the balls to tell them straight in their faces that enough is enough. I'm tired of being such a fragile, sensitive bitch that can't take scoldings.

I want to do well in dance, I want to grow up to be a professional dancer like the dancers of O Crew who get to fly occasionally to other countries to share their love and passion for dance to fellow dancers in other countries. I aspire to be like WCO and BASE, I want to inspire people to dance like I did for my brother who picked up bboying because I encouraged him to.

I have so many dreams.

But being put down repeatedly.. ugh. I'm not one to give up especially when it comes to dance, so I hope this feeling goes away soon. Not looking forward to training tomorrow (or later, in this case) at 2pm later.

Oh well.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Good morn'!

Bleurgh it's already 6 and I've yet to get some sleep! #benefitsofhavingholidays

So I caught the Arsenal vs. Udinese match earlier. Dad and I were excited that Arsenal won Udinese 2-1 and got in through to the Champion's League! Congratulations boys, it was a well-deserved win.

Really bummed out that Nasri has, well, officially left the club :(

When watching the match with Dad earlier (the biggest Arsenal fan I have ever met -- has been supporting Arsenal since he was in secondary 1), he suddenly mentioned:
"Samir Nasri left already you know right? He's a money-grabber, he! Go burn your jersey. Wait, can change name? You should buy a jersey with Ramsey's name. He looks more handsome than Nasri. Of all names you put Nasri.. That bugger left!"

I was all le egad! and le gasp! when he said that.
Broke my heart even further. :(

Oh well.


Glad to say my opinion of Justin Bieber has changed after I downloaded + watched half his movie! Well I couldn't sit still past an hour into the movie (I say 'half' because it got a bit too boring, shall continue tomorrow!) But it's inspiring how his determination and hard work led him places.

Hope to be like him in terms of dance! Never stop dreaming ;)


Speaking of dance, I miss this girl right here:

POONIE! My dearest hip hop budddd.

Keep muggin' kiddo, keep muggin'! Shall see you at *SCAPE tomorrow luv

Glad to say since my study break (it wasn't considered holidays till my last paper), I've been spending quality time with the dancers. Even before my study break started we already spent almost everyday together! Sherilynn, Rach, Sarah, Azrul, Bazinga, Inez, Muto, Calvin.. Love you guys :)

CAN'T WAIT TO EXPERIENCE WAVES16 WITH THEM!

Okay, same routine: A photo, an ending caption (sometimes), and a "bye" or "goodnight" when ending a blog post! Here we go..

(Photo)
GOODNIGHT!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

HOLIDAAAAAY

Whoa how long has it been since I last touched this space??!

Okay apparently crazy-long. But hi guys, I'm baaaaaaaack!

So my life in a nutshell..
  1. Auditions for Waves 16
  2. KPop dance competition training
  3. Hanging out with dancers
  4. Studying
  5. Studying with dancers
  6. More studying
  7. ESTs
Y'all had better come watch SDZ Waves 16 next year! Excited to get the results of the auditions and for training to start.

Since this holiday's gonna be a long one, I really hope that I'll be able to use this time to improve on dance. Can't wait to go back to O School for Allegra's classes.. I miss her classes so much!

Also hope to use this time to go out and take photographs + to lose weight! Ever since I started mugging for my paper (yes how lucky am I to have only one paper to take! Even the year 2 DMC students have to take what, 3 papers?) I've been gaining weight like nobody's business. My mom said so! And if your parents tell you that you've gained weight.. well, they're most prolly right on that.

Went to town with Becca + Shermin after our paper today and boy did it feel good to spend $80 on stuff @ Forever21!!! My bank account doesn't feel the same way though. Meh :( But I absolutely HAD to shop! I've not shopped for like what, months? I spend everyday at school, then going for dance almost immediately after. SP has become my second home :(

Okay it's apparently 5:28AM. Wanted to get up at 8AM for a jog before heading to school later in the afternoon for dance but OH WELL LOOK AT THE TIME.

Time for a round or two (or three or maybe even four) rounds of Tetris Battle on Facebook before I head to bed..


Okay bye!

Thursday, August 04, 2011

We try and we try

Just had the longest Skype chat with Azrul a.k.a. Zulzul and Calvin a.k.a. Pikachu. We were supposed to discuss some issue but we ended up talking about everything else BUT the issue.

I really miss chatting like that. Just talking random nonsense. How long has it been since I found time to even call someone to talk anymore? Well technically I'm not even a phone person so I guess it doesn't matter. But yeah SDZ Skype chats are really funnnnnnnnnn.

Had a "performance" for this NDP preview ceremony thing in SP with the SDZians today. Sin said he saw me and called me non-stop cuz but I couldn't hear me. He even mentioned that he should've videoed me doing our motivator thing so that he could upload it and humiliate me haha!

Quality bonding time with the SDZians over practising and mini cypher and sharing circles while waiting for rehearsals to start, even though Carel and I felt like shit because we were unwell throughout the whole thing. Fadz did an awesome job hosting <3 And the little kids from the Kinderland thing in SP were too cute. The girls from SDZ went nuts while they pranced around on stage with their little pompoms.

What I've done, yet to do, and have to do:
  1. NDP preview-thingamajig (DONE)
  2. Teenage Kpop semi-finals
  3. SDZ Jam auditions
  4. SP Go Green flashmob (organised by SDZ juniors)
  5. POM CA2 presentation
  6. DB CA2 + CA3
  7. IMW CA3
  8. Study for POM written test
  9. Study for major ICP CA2 written test
4 more weeks till sem break, 1 week till study break. I'll have to tolerate ALL THESE for the next few weeks.

I'm having such a horrible migraine right now.. actually I have been for the whole day. It never went away. God knows why I'm still awake at this hour. I've got a terribly long day ahead!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

#lifeasaDMCstudent

Not much fun at the moment, apparently.

What with all the deadlines for multiple projects coming up soon, even a CA3 IMW project we just received news on today.. it's dead tiring. But I'll admit, from what I see, DMC seems to be the course that has the most fun so far. We rush projects like mad when we have to, but in class we do so much interactive work with our lecturers its fun. Like playing games, discussing current topics..

Juggling a CCA and studies in poly's much harder than it seems. Or maybe it's just because I'm really committed to SDZ. Thing is, it's not just me who feels this way so I'm thankful for the SDZians cuz we're there to push each other on.

NDP performance tomorrow, Go Green flashmob to plan for with the other juniors from different genres, SDZ Jam, Teenage Kpop semi-finals. Everything's rushing by so fast now it's blurry.







Above are photos of Rach and I camwhoring with Jacob's cap! I love his cap cuz it's red and spongey. Then he told me, "It's a sponge cap."

..Explains the spongey-ness.


We're all fat dancers. Or at least I am (the fat hip hop dancer), they aren't (they're the not-fat moderner and bboy).

Okay bye!