G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Friday, August 26, 2011


Hi y'all! This is the DMC/FT/1A(soon to be 1B)/01 that I really miss!

I guess we started out really strong but along the way schoolwork and project work got to us, which really sucks. I miss the old and more fun class that made me look forward to lessons everyday.

Can't wait for our class chalet ;)

To digress, it just started to rain and when I was closing my room's windows I looked down to see a man running from my block to the block opposite (there's no shelter linking the two blocks). Then I realised it was my dad. The poor man goes to work at this time everyday. Sometimes I wished I was someone famous or something, then I could provide for my parents because I've only seen them slog their asses off at work since I was a kid. My brother and I were always left to the maids to tend to, which really sucks because I seldom got to see them.

Then now it's my turn -- they hardly get to see me because I spend everyday dancing and only coming home after 12am.

I really miss my family!

Oh well. Speaking of dance.. I don't feel motivated to dance. Not anymore.

I don't know why I'm allowing the stress from a frickin' KPOP competition get to me/affect my passion for dance so badly. I'm so passionate about hip hop! JAPANESE-STYLE hip hop, not LA hip hop.

But I'm tired. Tired of being the one dancer to get steps wrong, tired of being the only one in the crew to forget steps, tired of being the only one that can't catch steps/techniques as fast as the rest of the crew, tired of taking more time to process steps, tired of being the one with no control, tired of being the only one being put down by my fellow crew members for not dancing as well as the rest. I'm tired of not having the guts to express my unhappiness when something's not right, tired of being capable of only shedding tears because I don't have the balls to tell them straight in their faces that enough is enough. I'm tired of being such a fragile, sensitive bitch that can't take scoldings.

I want to do well in dance, I want to grow up to be a professional dancer like the dancers of O Crew who get to fly occasionally to other countries to share their love and passion for dance to fellow dancers in other countries. I aspire to be like WCO and BASE, I want to inspire people to dance like I did for my brother who picked up bboying because I encouraged him to.

I have so many dreams.

But being put down repeatedly.. ugh. I'm not one to give up especially when it comes to dance, so I hope this feeling goes away soon. Not looking forward to training tomorrow (or later, in this case) at 2pm later.

Oh well.

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