∞

Home alone again cuz my parents are over at laogim's place playing mahjong and for dinner, so I've gotta settle my own dinner today.

Timothy talked to me about One Piece over at laogim's place just now until I feel like watching it again, in Jap this time and not the dubbed version. He said 4Kids sucks at dubbing. Heh. And he taught me this damn catchy hand thingy. He can do it so fast can! Imma practice and do it as fast as him someday. :]

2 things majorly screwed up my CNY.

1. Something
2. My gran's memory is getting worse.
   

Went to ahmah's place first today. Then went to laogim's house for lunch and all. While having the cheesecake, my mom and two aunts were talking about something. I asked my mom what happen? She was all, "No la. They're just saying ahmah's memory is getting worse."

I was like "what happened?" then she told me that when they were talking to my gran, she actually went "Huh? Tomorrow is Chinese New Year's Eve already??"

Nothing big right? WRONG. Thing is, the day before that conversation, they had already told her CNY Eve is the next day cuz of our reunion dinner thing.

And usually, my gran's all nicely prepared and dressed up for CNY. She would look damn nice la. My mom told me this year my grandma forgot about everything- CNY Eve, cutting her hair and getting it permed.. she didn't do all those this year cuz she forgot she wanted to do them. Today she looked so tired and haggard. :(

"Are you all going to bring her to see a doctor?"
"Yeah, but then how much can it help? So now you know ah.. when mommy old already.."

I wanted to cry. But told myself I couldn't, esp not infront of my relatives. I just pretended to yawn infront of them when I teared.

I'm so worried and damn upset la. To be truthful, no one would understand how I would feel. My gran is like, one of the most dearest people in my life. She was always so healthy la.

I can't imagine that there'd be one day she would forget my name. And that'd hurt so much.

Ahmah, I love you.


& I seem to always get hurt by people I love. Why?

Another question, why THIS year? Why do all these things only happen now? Why?
Guess what I'm thinking of now? I. Feel. Like. C---ing my ------.

I love you too.

I never understood why I never show my feelings to people in school. Only when I'm at home or when blogging. People always think I'm cheerful and all cuz I'm only crapping, making jokes and laughing. Oh well.