G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Cuz you won't understand hurt like I do-

I wonder if it really hurts when you slit your wrists.. hmm. x] hahah.

Valentine's Day- but all the same horribleness and terribleness happens. Shit happens.

Sailing sucked. Big time. Winds gusty like shit, and shifty. I hate shifty winds. Might need to wear kneeguard to school tomorrow, since while uprighting my boat I knocked my knee so hard against the boat I couldn't straighten my knee without feeling the OUCH.

Had to tahan, but ended up last during that race (was like, 7th at 1st and 2nd upwind and 1st downwind). Dylan still guailan me. Very pekchek k. Pulled up the boat myself with an injured knee, no one helped. Thanks Peckkhee, Mubarak and Nicholas Yeow for helping me unrig! :D thankyou thankyou! loves.

Feeling worse today. Again had this mini arguement thing, and duh. A lot of things I didn't wanna hear. Surprisingly I seemed to know/predict what he was gonna say. So yeah, I've got nothing more to say. I mean, I expected this. I knew it.

But I don't know why its so hard to let go. All the promises were barely promises made to be broken. If I said my heart shattered, would it be too big an exaggeration?

I'd guess not.

Quarrelled with my mom when she scolded me for telling my bro to shaddup. I mean, hello? Not like I told him to f*ing bang a wall and die right. And she got all worked up. Ate dinner in my room halfway she kaobei me. So I just dumped the food outside on the table and skipped my dinner.

I had no mood to eat anyways after the arguement.

Stomach didn't feel good again. And this is like the what, 3/5 days this week I had diahorrea. And it sucks k. The 243242343243243th time ever since Chinese New Year, too. D: I'm suspecting I need to see a doctor..

Didn't go visit ahmah. I wonder how she is, tho. I don't cry as often when I think about her slowly losing her memory, but it hurts still. Oh well.. the time will come when she totally forgets my name.

I wished I had memory loss. I would forget everything, everyone, all things good and bad that happened to me, especially last and this year. All the drama, and the fact I'm getting upset every other day over a guy who forgotten me. Hmm.

I just wish I could run away from home, or slit my wrists till I bleed and die. Pretty emo for someone as cheerful as me, but when you get so many problems at one go, all you feel like doing is dying. And I'm serious.

My life's jinxed. I'm just leading a horrible life now.

So go away, leave me alone.

I think tomorrow's the day when I really go to school, not my cheerful noisy self anymore. It'll happen sooner or later. I guess its happening now.

Return me the shirt if you want to. It'd just hurt me more. In this case, shouldn't it be me getting mad/upset at you instead of you doing that to me and calling the shots? End up you think I'm a loonatic. I think I'm going crazy, with everything happening to me suddenly at one go. I love you, I really do. But your empty promises just seem to make me catch no ball now- I'm too used to crying over you. I've ignored the facts I've been hurt, but what for when all you want is for me to stop talking to you?

Then let me ask: why'd you bother calling me literally everyday?

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