G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Heard the song I just posted lyrics on on Yaorui (SHORTY)'s blog! And I like it already. Hahah.

Felt really tired today, idk why either. Almost slept during all of the first 3 periods. During Math Mr Izzal walked past and Lianyi quickly woke me up and I think I felt him staring at me. o__o whoops. But Mr Chng was giving out the test papers so I was resting.

Didn't sail today. Winds seemed good but people said it sucked out there. Shifty winds. Yeah can tell, helping Peckkhee pull out boat to launch also wind changed just like that.

Had diahorrea in the morning and a super fugly headache so I told Mrs Sidhu. Quin wasn't feeling too good so she also didn't sail. Wenfeng got scolded so he couldn't sail.

Did bio homework with Quin. Soooo yeah, realised I still don't know a lot of shizz. Still prefer chem.

Helped the rest unrig when they came back. Got a lil' wet D: my shoes!! Tomorrow still gotta wear de lei, and now its all sandy D:

When I saw the sec1s come back I chucked my stuffs at the girl's toilet area where we dump our bags and went to help the seniors pull up their boat. Helped Weiming first, and he kicked sand in my shoe when I complained a lot of sand going in =.= wthhhh la!

Then helped Justin. Stupid pig Law. Go back to see who need help, then Ryan asked me help him pull. Justin "Oei dog! Help me lei.." =.= and I helped him instead. Zzz. While pulling boat together complained to him Weiming kicked a lot of sand into my shoes, then (TYPICAL OF HIM) he went to kick this whole bunch of sand into my shoes!!! Can still squeeze seawater from his gloves to try to wet me sia. YOU GOOD, YOU GOOD! Go bang wall and die la.

And he thinks if I sailed in this kinda wind (today), I would die. Hello, I can handle strong wind :D but so long never sail.. my hiking out sucks la. Even when I sailed Pico with Daomin. :(

I wanna screaaaam. A heck lot. I'm so tired of my life. Sometimes I wished I could just end it. Its so simple, ei? 4 (or more) problems, all stabbing at my heart- really hurts.

My parents told me ahmah's memory seems to be getting worse. What she said 5mins ago, she can't even remember, and she asks again. And I feel guilty, cuz when I saw her today, I hardly talked to her. I didn't know what to say, I really didn't.

So during dinner since Justin called I just went into the room and talked to him. And uh, now I'm not happy again cuz of something.

Wtf is wrong with me. Maybe I'm just being my usual selfish self, not caring for others. Not bothering with what the heck they're up to. Maybe I should be the one to go bang a wall and die. Idk.

I wanna stop arguing with you, I really do.

Lots of problems this year.
So tempted to buy a penknife. Stab stabbity stab stab stab.

And yet, no one understands me. NO ONE- not even you.

You just randomly accuse me of what I think and what I feel. But what I'm thinking is the total opposite of what you accused me of thinking. What I said (twice), I really meant it. Tho I made it seem like a laughing thing.

I wanna scream so badly how much I love you. But knowing myself, I know I never will.
(What hurts the most-
is watching you out of the corner of my eyes and wishing I had the courage to talk to you like I do to others. I'm sorry I'm like that, I know you're not happy I talk to easily and often to all the guy sailors but you. But when you pair me with others- are you jealous? Or just doing it out of poor fun? I'm sorry I seem to keep PMS-ing on you. But you're no longer mine, I don't feel the security. You'll just forget me and my very existence, won't you?)

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