I'm like, sitting at the little walkway in my parent's room to blog!
As usual, their mahjong khakis came over to play again. We played with my PSP while it was connected to the TV outside, feels like a makeshift of a PS2 or something.
The screen colors come out in B&W and green. And it lags. $36.50 wasted, Dad!
Played football downstairs with the kids at 10.15pm. The feeling of playing at night is damn shiok, no wonder the sailors always play after the bbq during sailing camps. Playing under the stars? Just amazing and breath-taking.
I expected to be a righty since I'm right-handed and all, but I'm a lefty when it comes to football. My dad was shocked too, cuz he and my bro are both rightys in football.
I found out why I enjoy it so much. When I play, I spend my time thinking about where to kick the ball etc. I don't waste time thinking about other things and get moody 'bout it.
It takes my mind off things for just those few hours. So yeah, guess thats a reason.
Think after I settle some stuffs, I wanna ask the sailors to stay over at my place then go play soccer downstairs at night. Will be damn fun!
It occured to me that I can't change who I am. Infact, who can?
I am who I am.
Emotional, impulsive, rough, hasty.. just like what they said in the Holland Code paper. Artistic people are emotional etc. I depend a lot on my emotions (I won't deny this), and I play as I go. I don't care if one moment I'm smiling and the next I'm crying and getting emo, cuz thats who I am.
We are only human. Sometimes, you don't even realise you're doing it. You just do. After that you'll be thinking, "Oh shit, that was fucking stupid of me!" like me.
I'm the kind who will always show how I am feeling- an open display of emotions.
When I'm sad I'll just cry. When I'm happy I turn so hyper my friends think I'm nuts. When I'm frustrated and mad, I take it out on walls or anything solid nearby.
But thats me; I can't change it.
Tho the venting of anger on the walls.. yeah I think I need to change that cuz honestly, my knuckle hurts whenever I touch it and its making me worried. :(
p.s. I PMS a lot.
Idk why but I suddenly feel like blogging about the sailors. Haha.
Maybe because it suddenly occured to me that I'm sec4, in a few months time I'll never see them often, and its just not gonna be the same without them, especially the sec4s.
Seeing pictures of our Dec camp in Krabi really made me nostalgic.I miss every single nonsense that happened there- the kayaking with Belle (and capsizing, wtf!), the mozzies we all tried so hard to avoid, the Truth or Dares in the guys' room (well I fell asleep), walking around with my group at night when it was so chilly that I kept wearing my jacket around..
Heh!
If the trip didn't have them, well, it'd be sucky.
Suddenly I miss them a lot! Haha. Most of my fond and sour memories were from sailing, I just realised.
Maybe its just this strong bond we have (or used to have) between us that makes this bunch of nonsensical people so special to me.
.
.
.
.
.
Suddenly I'll be finding myself missing them shitloads.Suddenly, I'm graduating with an 'older' brother, gwen-daughters (their pun)..
And people like Donovan, Ariel, Daomin, Yanling, Ning and Siungee! In every batch there is an ex-Aitong student in it. I was pretty amazed at that fact and till now I still am.
Eating recess everyday together with most of the sec4s last year.. one of the things I will never forget. Was so much fun being around them so often. Like, I don't give a damn. Unglam then unglam lor, out of the 10 of us 8 are guys so why bother. They've seen me, my stupidness AND my center parting since sec1 and we can't change that LOL.
So I guess I'm used to them. Very.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take, my sunshine awayyyyyy~
Well. I just miss them a lot. We're not as close this year (obviously). Well only a few I guess. But still.
I really don't wanna graduate cuz I'll miss people like them. So heartbreaking right!
Friends I've gained.. and lost.. along the way. Well.
They'll just always be my dears whom I love very much! :):):)
Aww, I'm so sweet right? ;)
I just searched up the lyrics for You Are My Sunshine, and was quite shocked.
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But not you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I miss you.
Gawd if I could just turn back time.
I would've done so many things differently.
Me, I may be emotional but I actually struggle to express myself most of the time. When I feel like that I do something that shows the total opposite. I don't know why. I think I'm a weirdo too, no worries.
I always do things to regret them later..
How true of my situation now.
Ning was trying to tell me her good news yesterday, but I just cut her off when I couldn't pretend my "haha's" anymore.
Thanks a lot for talking to me hun, and yeah I guess I shouldn't have done so many of the things I did but like I said, I do things rashly without processing the consequences in my small, puny brain almost 80% of the time.
(You still haven't told me WHO?!!)
Its so stupid of me. I found someone I really like, someone who meant everything to me and treats me so nicely. But 1., I didn't show how happy I was just to have him and 2., I did stupid stuffs to ruin everything. So now here I am, wallowing in self-pity, AGAIN.
What happened?
Not even talking now. I'm like, stuck between situations.
My dad told me that guys aren't as emotional as girls are in relationships. Once they don't want, means they don't want. They don't think too much about it. Like, its good for me so its gotta go, NOW kinda thing.
Well..
Just, take it one step at a time and start from square one again. Tho its kinda hard since we're not even friends?
What will be, will be.
Shit you laaaaaa, I really miss having you as a friend!
Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget, did you forget about me?
Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it
So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget, don't forget
I want you back. Hard, isn't it?
Well, I'll live with it.
I still have my studies, football and dance to focus on and love. Looking forward to so many things after O's! FREEDOM! OFFICIALLY!
Take one step at a time,
there's no need to rush.
At least.
I fight for what I want.
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