∞

Gawd.
Trying to remember was so hard.
Reading and reading.. screaming and screaming..
If I hadn't stiffled my screams my family would have thought I was hysterical.
Yet I carried on reading.. despite the fact my hands were trembling.
I don't want to lose sight of the light,
Not now when I've lost much already.
That invisible hole in my chest hurts everytime I think about it.
It hurts so badly whenever I do.
I didn't even want to eat.
When mom came in to suggest a whole list of things I could have as dinner I just continued staring at the screen as I carried on mumbling no.
These memories- I just don't wanna lose them, don't wanna let them go.
I'm tired of pretending,
Too tired.

..When will I ever swim far enough to surface from the dark waters
I've been trapped so long under?