G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Because my life so far has been..

Worst week of my life so far.

I have never used the term FML to describe my life before, but today while talking to Aaron, I was going, "Oh FML man, FML!" the whole time.

If you didn't realise, the past few months my blog posts have only been photos and like a line or two to sum up my day/week. I've not used this to talk about my feelings for a very long time because I know how wrong and dumb it is to use a blog for personal ranting, also because there are people I know/don't know who would read this.

Its moronic when people say stuff like, "Oh this is MY blog, hence MY WORLD. Screw off if you don't like what you read because I can say whatever I wanna say."

Like seriously? GROW UP. A blog isn't private even if it had a password to it.

Initially, I typed out this really long post, but my parents are already embarrassed enough of me cuz of what "my friends" feedback to my mom? So I saved the initial post as a draft. I'm tired of my life being scrutinised, really. I know they (meaning a lot of people) only mean well but this 'act of caring' drives my parents nuts. When my parents gave me The Talk today, I could only get the impression that they were.. embarrassed of me? Because of feedback from people?

Infact, that's the only thing I've been feeling. From my dad especially. I'm sorry for bringing private stuff up here but I've been tolerating this since last year. I can't blame them, I feel embarrassed of myself too. Its tiring.. they think that I THINK my life is perfect. Do they never realise how far from the truth that is? Just because I do not talk about it, doesn't mean I live in my own world where my world is this.... this fantasy. Every day since I got my O's results back has been a struggle to me. People view me differently. My dad treats me differently. Sometimes its hard to compare up to people in my life because they are just that much better than me. When my mom talks about how well my cousins are doing, I can't help but zone out. I study with the hopes of ever getting that far in life but it drains me. I'm tired. I hate how society is; how different people are perceived differently. I love my friends, aunts, uncles.. well, relatives in general for being there to pull me up after I fell. The countless encouraging calls.. I can't thank them enough.

First my iPod, then one of the worst arguments with me mom. Now I just knocked my tripod down and broke off one of the levers. UGH I hope I can get that fixed cuz it was a clean break. And superglue can't fix it. So......

Yes I'm in a pretty bad mood now.

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