Rant

I have no idea what the hell is up with me.

Been blogging here a lot recently.. kinda realised that writing here feels kinda therapeutic. To write and think about anything, anything else – that's honestly all I need right now.

People keep asking what's up, what's wrong, etcetera.

The best part? I feel as if I can't talk to anyone about this because I know some will never understand how I feel, while the others would just judge.

I just.. need a break.

Or I just need to stop doing things for the sake of others/pleasing them. I'm so drained but I continue on how??

I sometimes wish this were still the holiday period. Could just coup myself up at home playing games, reading, sleeping, watching movies/shows..

Or play with Baby M. She never fails to make my day and I was really happy that I got to see her when I went to my grantaunt's for dinner. She was sitting snuggly in my lap when I told her to press my camera button herself, and she did!

Well this smart girl can even go around 'taking orders' for coffee from my older relatives at the dinner table, asking, "Total how many people?" and asking how many want coffee only to scream to the maid in the kitchen, "10 COFFEE!!" even if there were only like 5 adults at the table.

So okay hi I'm back.

I've always snapped people out of shit, why can't someone just be straightforward with me and tell me to snap out of this nonsense? It's been going on for too long, and for once I've hit my own limit. I can't be smiling 24/7.

Y'all always think I'm some happy person, always smiling, cracking jokes, making a huge fool out of myself.. But the hardest I've laughed since a few months back was when Arynah showed me the faceswaps she did on that app today.

I miss laughing so heartily.. genuinely? Could do that for 15mins straight in the past (Mdm Suhailah's English class in sec 4, I still remember. Just cuz she said "ahpunehneh").

God I miss being in secondary school.. everything was a lot easier back then.

:'(


Oh well.

Was quite bummed out that I couldn't send dad to the airport today but the bro did! My mom refused to go cuz she didn't want to stand there crying again.

I heard my dad telling her when she went off to work, "Aiyoh gia la gia la, ho la." ("Aiyah just go la go la can one la.")

I went out of my room asking him what that was all about, and he said my mom was crying when she went into the lift.. :'( my parents are such a loving pair that I find myself wanting to marry someone who would be just as sweet as my dad or love me as much as my dad loves my mom.

Silly, huh?

Then again I guess the relationship between your parents indirectly affects the kind of relationship you would have/allow yourself to have.

Spent my day with The Legency girls + guy (hehe sorry Glenn you know I love you bro) talking cock, joking around, trying out faceswaps (Ms Wang – Media Law lecturer for those who've forgotten – took my face, Arynah and her bf taking each other's faces.. priceless!), eating Arynah's cupcakes, watching Shinhwa's tour clips with Steffi..

..and working on our FYP. Hehe.

I'm glad we're almost there, and we have a month to spare to touch up and add on more research and analysis. Hate how we're doing it on organ transplant awareness though.

I have so much to do in terms of visuals and I'm running out of ideas which is really sad?

Oh yes thanks Aruah sayang for the cupcakes! Hehe she always gives me this face when I call her Aruah, like how I call Jessica 'Sicafaise' and Steffi 'Stoof de Doof'.

In my defense I have a lot more nicknames given to me this year alone than all the nicknames I've given them combined over the past 2-3 years.

Monday Steffi started calling me "Gwon" (prolly cuz I always try to say simple Korean phrases in the UGLIEST slang anyone's ever heard). Peemeelee heard and started calling me "Igwona".

Brought Stoof's Wacom Bamboo tablet home to draw graphics out for the vodcast's opening sequence! It's gonna be gooooood hehe looking forward to it. I would love to get a tablet after I start working again.

I think I'm gonna die a horrible death. I have to work with After Effects for both FYP and Space Media when I'm still horrible at it.

Wish I could rely 100% on just Photoshop and Premiere Pro instead.. but oh well.

Time to get started cuz I've been procrastinating like crazy.

(Though.. to be honest I think I'll continue sitting here, rotting away.)

Hi and bye from Gwendee and Sicafaise!