Not very Amusing

JAE booklet on the bed behind me, Poly brochures to my left.

A tad bit too late to regret anything. At least, not now. I'm suddenly a whole lot more optimistic, especially about myself. I amuse myself with how fast my mind changes from optimistic to pessimistic and vice-versa.

As of now, my eyelids are feeling rather heavy and.. puffy.

It tells you indirectly that I cried quite a bit today, and I still do when my parents come into my room to comfort me. I've spent the whole night drafting up my Appeal for a Poly to accept me in.

At this point of time, I'm desperate. Anything, anything. I can't be picky, no one said that I couldn't be, but I just wish there wasn't this invisible boundary that sets me apart from everything else on the damned booklet. I'm confusing myself with how I'm suddenly pessimistic again (see the whole point of why I amuse myself?).

I was never much of an optimistic person. Or at least, I am, but only infront of others. When I let my true self out (I used the word "shine" but found it rather inappropriate), I'm rather whiny. I complain a lot.

I am one heck of a whiny girl.

The outlook of my life now looks bleak to me, prolly because I'm not asleep at this time when I really should be. My self-imposed pessimism took a toll on me which is really dumb of me if you ask.

Then again, no one said I couldn't be pessimistic. I have the permission of Ms Balan to cry the whole of today and forget about everything tomorrow.

Yes I know. It may be 2.38am now, technically Tomorrow, but in terms of Gwen, I still allow myself to wallow in self pity. At least 'till I wake up tomorrow morning. Rest assured I'll be (hopefully) less pessimistic tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Btw, meet Angie, Celine's Aussie cousin!

Aw, I do miss her so. Can't wait to visit her in Darwin soon!