This was..

I had so many things I wanted to talk about but the moment I clicked on "New Post", I kinda forgotten everything.

Oh well.

Here's a shoutout to my "faithful daily readers", or so they say so themselves- Chiaee and Vir! (And they say "Possibly Daomin too!")

I collected my testimonial from Mrs Sidhu this afternoon and saw them on the way out of school. Being the little kids I always knew and will remember them for, Chiaee squealed and ran to me. We hugged and I heard a high-pitched scream from somewhere. Vir came running down from under the HDB block and we all hugged. Aw, heartwarming!

They gave me good news: Daomin has been coming back for sailing and has, infact, been very active and enthusiastic! Awesome. The best news I heard all day after the multiple disappointments I endured online and via phone calls.

Suddenly, going back to Mayflower to retake my O's doesn't seem like too bad an idea. Besides, I DO love the Literature lessons conducted by Ms Balan.

But why should I retake there just because I love Literature so much?

When we say we miss Mayflower, we really do mean, "We miss the friends we made in Mayflower". Even Chiaee told me not to retake in Mayflower. Hm..

I love my juniors and after today, I know they'll always have a nice 'lil place in mua's heart!

I brought my camera yet didn't snap any shots. For some reason the moment was too sweet for me to be bothered to whip out my trusty sidekick (sorry CamCam) to take photos of the girls (and guys, namely Nicholas and this dude whom I-don't-know-his-name).

Great news is, I would be seeing them again! And the new juniors. I heard from MY juniors that THEIR juniors (are they still considered my juniors since I graduated? Yes right?) are a pain in de arse.

Poor things.

Chiaee and Vir even reenacted a scene for me:

Chiaee (acting as the senior): Can I use the hose? I need to wash my boat.
Vir (acting as the sec1): No.
Chiaee: But I am your senior.
Vir: So what? You're SHORTER than me.

Oh well. Deal with it babes! They say the kiddos get worse with each year.

Then again, what does HEIGHT have to do with seniority in a CCA?

Met Beanie for dinner at Ichiban afterwards and had a good catching-up session. I really miss AGEK! Cia and Beanie have already started school, and Ker's gonna start soon. While we were schooling, I never imagined us having to make plans to meet up because we were already meeting up - Every day in school!

These babes are so precious to me. Out of the blue, I told Beanie today while we paid for our food, "Beanie, I'm really glad you're my friend."

"Of course you are! Haha! Okay la, I'm glad too. I'm glad I met all of you girls - You, Ker and Cia, ever since sec 1."

"Yup. And that we mixed with each other instead of mixing with the wrong crowd!"

"Mhmm!"

I don't know how indescribably bleak my secondary school life would've been without them.. AND the sailors.


The sailors made a huge part of my secondary 3 life. We've all been through so much "violence" and touching moments that it does break my heart sometimes to know that somehow, we're all not as close. Nevertheless, they're the people that brought joy to my sailing sessions. Especially the sailors in my batch- Quin, Aaron, Ryan, Nich Wong, Iggy, David, Linjie, Wenfeng and Jack.. (I do hope I didn't miss anyone out!)

I still remember the first time I sat on the bus on the way to NSC. Quin and I were still acquaintances, so much that it was awkward between us.

Her first birthday present to me was a skull keychain with the word "Prada" carved behind it. I never questioned her whether it was real or an imitation, but hey, Quin.. was it?

Moments with her were precious and I'll never forget most of them -- How in Sec2 I missed training so much that she became so close to Drey and Belle (not like its a bad thing, I :heart: them too!), moments on the bus, the first heart-to-heart talk I had with her DURING PE..

Ah that was.. golden.

I never had a heart-to-heart with her before. And the funniest thing (now that I think back about it) was that she randomly tapped my shoulder while we were having a Powerball session and asked me if we could talk.

At that point of time I was giving her the cold shoulder and never in my wildest dreams would I expect HER to walk up to ME to confront whatever was wrong.

We talked, we teared.. and she told me something that cleared my head of something really stupid. I remember how badly I cried during recess that Kerrie accompanied me back up to class so that I could let it all out.

And the time I went with her to the toilet cuz she had to 'wash her face' during Geog. Obviously I knew she wasn't okay and I really am thankful she was comfortable to let it all out later.

Okay, enough about my CCA.

(Wow, thanks Vir and Chiaee! Your "GWEN! Update your blog la its so dead already! What you mean not dead? Every 2 or 3 days then you update leh! I sit at my computer and press refresh so many times in hope that you updated, you know!" suddenly prompted a post like this which.. when I read through again, made me smile and made me feel all warm and fuzzy. (I learnt this from Syafiqah))

On a side note, I got a new printer and its awesome! Dad bought it so that I could print out my DAE form since our old one was a bit screwed up.

Its been long since I typed such a long post, and it felt really good spending so much time to type out this much because this post will be one I would like to read again.


Thanks guys, for making my secondary school life much better than it should've been!

Big Mess

Unlike most people, yesterday's results day prolly didn't affect me much at all.

I still remain oblivious to the fact that everything's starting tomorrow- For the JC people at least. I never realised what shit I got myself into 'till now.

Was checking Google to look for private schools to study my O Levels in, and those I DID find were costly like crap. MDIS was like, S$5000+ for FIVE subjects! Another more-or-less unknown school charged like S$9000+ and apparently if I retake Combined Sciences there, they'll charge an extra 800bucks as lab fees!

I suddenly have so many regrets. I wish I didn't do this, do that.

On a side note, JJ Lin's on telly right now. The Newpaper that day was right- If you make it in Taiwan, you've made it in Mandopop. JJ Lin never made it in Singapore till he went to Taiwan, got big, and came back to Singapore to hold concerts that had ticket prices of like $80.

Ugh why do I keep digressing.

Anyway!

Sigh I'm so bored. Not in the mood to really update cuz I'm really moody and sian right now! I believe I'm PMSing. Oh hum-dee-dummmm!

Still got to upload the photos for Joey Boo, Cassandra Boo, Shanai Boo and Eileen Boo! Shall get right on to that after editing the photos + transferring everything out of one hard disc to the other. This is troublesome. My mood spells trouble at this point of time.


p.s. WHY IS FANN WONG AND CHRISTOPHER LEE IN A CHINESE NEW YEAR SONG MUSIC VIDEO? They are over-advertised, seriously!

LETS ALL COUNT DOWN TO SHINee: 2 MORE DAYS! My dear boys, I shall see you soon.

FAT

BRAMBLEY THIS IS FOR YOU:

Extraverted - 22%
Sensing - 12%
Feeling - 75%
Perceiving - 11%

And no you can't come to my place and haunt me by turning my shower water cold - I ALREADY shower in cold water everyday! Heeheeheeeeee.

I clicked on the "Identify Your Career" part and all the jobs recommended are Arts related, Customer Service related and Early Childhood related. Why am I not surprised?


Just yesterday I was thinking about how I hate those girls who are already thin and yet are complaining "how fat they are". Just be thankful you're not me - Every time I look into a mirror I feel bad about my figure.

The funny thing with my body is, I'm LOSING weight, but becoming fatter.

Yeah, everyone I say this to tells me, "WHUD THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE!"

I'm wondering if it is because muscle mass is heavier than the mass of fats. So now my muscles are becoming flabby. FATS. (Or according to Quin, my muscles are sliding under my fats?)

Does that count for why I'm losing weight yet becoming fatter? Hm.

(I miss the days I had 3 CCAs on Saturday- 8.ooam to about 10.30am: Brownies, 10.30am to 1pm: Gymnastics. 1pm to about 3.30pm-4pm: Wushu. I had no break!

I used to wear my gymnastic gear inside my Brownie uniform, and after Brownies I'd run down with Huiwen to the hall, take out my uniform and attend gymnastics. After gymnastics I'd pull my PE shirt and wushu pants over my gymnastics gear, run to the front of the hall and start training. Talk about active! I was thin.

Still hated running back then, though.)

Okay, enough of listening to me whining. Shall go edit the photos taken today before publishing them up here. See you later!

5:25

5:25AM.

I feel like a madwoman. Technically speaking, if you're meeting someone at 11AM the next day, you would've been asleep by 1AM AT LEAST.

Well, I ended up playing Neopets, chatting with Ker, playing Minesweeper with Alex (awesome Minesweeper buddy!) and chatting with my cousin in Australia. She's even asleep now and its supposedly later in Aust than it is in Singapore, right? Goodness.

And now I've pass the latest I would sleep. Usually I try to sleep latest by 5AM. Anything after that and I'd turn into the makeshift Energizer Bunny. I'm not tired now cuz its half an hour past my mark.

At this point of time, using a concealer would prove how wonderful and useful the product is, like a free advertisement, "Guarantees results!". I've been sleeping so late recently that my body clock is slowly adjusting to accommodate to my unearthly sleeping hours.

OKAY. Shall try to catch some Zzz's now or I'll be Zombie G. by tomorrow morning.

Photos tomorrow I promise! I've no motivation to blog without photos anymore what kind of nonsense is that okay see you toodles good bye and good morning!

I am very tempted to buy film cameras and headphones from Ethel. Goodness Gracious Me.

I Won't Worry

HAHA I would like to post a conversation I just had with Alex (sorry Lex, I had to cut short your MSN nickname!):

A says:
minor thing.

g says:
so sweet
okay i don't know why i just said that

A says:
HAHAHA

g says:
=.= my brain acts slower than my brain

A says:
ME NEITHER!

g says:
EH
wait

A says:
HAHAHAH.
HAHA!!!

g says:
my brain acts slower than my fingers!!!

A says:
your everywhere slow hor.
HAHA.

Goodness. I love her so much! I always chuckle (laughing out loud would not be appropriate because I do not "Laugh Out Loud" when typing) at our little MSN conversations.

I miss her and our English Gang terribly. I could still imagine the days where we sat in Mdm Suhailah's class and made so much noise, laughing when no one else did. If I were any other person in the class I'd roll my eyes, really. We were so annoying!

And the other days where I'd go into class feeling depressed and teary.. They were the best people to approach. I can't forget them and the many ways they'd try to make me feel better. I'd come out of English class laughing and cheery.

This is one of the few reasons I absolutely refuse to retake my O's as a Mayflowerian this year. Doesn't feel right to go to class and see that they're not my usual classmates and friends.


I kept wanting to blog this week, but every time I typed a post halfway, I would stop, save it as a Draft, and tell myself I'd continue tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes but the continuing never does.

Procrastination! Ah, just like the Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide episode I watched this afternoon. I love watching Nickelodeon when the Teen Nick series shows in a row - Ned's Declassified (I really hate shows with long titles), iCarly (YES I ACTUALLY WATCH IT), True Jackson VP and Drake and Josh.

Drake and Josh has always been a favourite of me and my brother, but they kept replaying the same episodes so often that we got bored of it.

I'm not particularly a fan of True Jackson VP. I do love Zoey 101 though.

Ah, busy week ahead. I like being busy, especially now that Aunty Tun's back in Indonesia.

The first week it didn't hit me so hard that she wasn't around anymore, until school started. With my brother out of the house by 6.30am, my mom at 8.50am and my dad at 5am, I woke up Home Alone, literally.

It felt so awful, so empty.

I hated being alone, yet I was alone in my own home. I had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, which was a first for me for a long time now because I either had a maid or one of my family members around.

I always wished I didn't have a maid. But now I wished I didn't wish that wish.


Aunty Tun, how are you?

All the best for your wedding. Please do visit us soon, I really miss you.

Thank You

Y'know, it may be 3.40am right now (I was supposed to sleep 40 minutes ago) but I felt I had to blog this, even though I think I already did.

To all my friends and family, I really can't thank you guys enough for all the encouragement and support given to me the past few days!

I just told Kerrie how I felt glad that for once I wasn't wallowing in self pity and being some emo-kid and that I actually got out of the sad state pretty quickly (at the right time, too!). Then I realised its all thanks to the friends who've been reassuring me that retaking's not an issue anymore, giving me options and making me open up to more ideas..

My friends who've seen me through the years (especially AGEK) would know I'm a real crybaby. I whine, I cry, I get emotional, moody, upset, stressed, and most of all, I get pessimistic quite easily. I just don't show it and choose to act all positive on the outside.

I don't know how I would live without my awesome friends.

I can't describe how I feel now with words. "Thank you" is not a word big enough to express how I feel at this point of time.

There, I said what I've been wanting to say for a few days now! Yes, I shall go to sleep. A rather long day ahead tomorrow with Eileen and Cia. I'm gonna get disappointed with the replies at the schools.. but who cares? I feel like a stronger person now.

I'm close to making up my mind about what I would like to do at this point of time because now I know: THIS is reality. I can't run away from it any more and keep searching for alternate routes.

Think, times 3.

I'm in a rather grumpy mood today after talking to the lecturer and student of NP.

Its not that I'm pissed off, I'm just really confused and rather upset that I can't make it to my dream school and course.

On the up side of things, I am really keen on retaking my O Level Emath right now that I might just settle for doing that instead of going to SIM or MDIS like my mom suggested to me earlier!

After talking to my friends and family, I realised ITE may not be the place for me. Truthfully speaking, I KNOW that I wouldn't be able to fit in, given the fact that I'm an Express student going to an ITE. Not that I'm discriminating the students there, I know they can be real nice, but its just that if I become some social outcast there, I believe I'd waste another year.

The feeling of failing is bitter. There is not much of an Up Side to failing except for the fact that I'm able to move on from my mistakes and do better the next time.

After finishing my last O Level paper, I told myself I'd do that if I could get a chance to make it to Poly. But it seems that that chance would not be mine.. at least, not this year. So why not take it as if the chance is given to me in the form of retaking my O Level Emath (and maybe Combined Humanities, so that I wouldn't be, as quoted from Mrs Tan, "(I wanna) box you!" and Literature, so that I won't feel so miserable about not getting an A for my pet subject.)

Junho just told me his school has 3 people who scored 10 A1s, 3 people who scored 9 A1s, and 20 or more people who scored 8 A1s! And oh, if that wasn't enough, they had 100% distinction for Pure History!

Suddenly, I feel quite embarassed.


Okay, looking at my result slip again, I am rather happy with the results. If it weren't for Emath, I would proudly tell people I improved by 9 marks, or maybe more!

My L1R5 may be 23, but as compared to my Prelims, which I scored L1R5 32 (or was it 35) for, 23 isn't actually that bad! I'm proud of myself for passing Combined Sciences for the first time after my Secondary 3 Term 1, and getting a B3 for Geog when I've been failing it since EVER.

Even though technically I didn't keep my promise to Mrs Koh of at least getting an A2..

I'll settle for my B3 anytime!

I say Sweet Dreams are made of Sugar

You know what's the funny thing about my family? Mom buys two different types of milk - Skim and full cream - cuz of me and my brother's preferences.

Gerald prefers full cream milk. Or so my mom says. We all use the excuse that he's "Growing up and hence needs full cream milk."

Because I'm not the active kid I was when I was in primary school, handing as many as 3 CCAs one after the other A DAY (with no breaks inbetween, may I add), I'm no longer the thin kid anymore who never had to worry about her weight because she was active 24/7. Therefore I prefer skim milk. Also because I read that full cream milk isn't very healthy.

I blog about this because I got hungry at 2.15am and just gave in to my hunger - which reached full blast at 2.52am.

And no, I'm eating cereal, not cup noodles or any of that crap because I eat those for lunch/dinner.







I bought The Lost Boy today at Popular only to come home, open the book and realise I read it before cuz I borrowed it from Nicholas Cho last year. Then again, I like buying the whole series of a certain book the moment I buy book one, so yeah, its prolly not a bad thing.


Mom just bought for me the Special K Fruit Flavoured(?) cereal on Sunday. Its my favourite cereal of the moment. The main reason I like it is because it has these yogurt bits that are EXTREMELY sweet.

She says I'll die of diabetes soon if I don't stop eating everything so sweet.

Like pouring 3 packets of normal sugar into a cup of tea, stirring it, then adding 2 more packets of raw sugar and crushing it up before drinking it. To me its normal, to everyone else its horror.

The bad thing is that I am now half the health freak I was. I may not have bothered much about my weight (because I didn't need to), but I stopped drinking gassy drinks and eating milk and white chocolates since I was primary 4.

Up 'till now, I still don't drink gassy drinks. I only drink Iced Lemon Tea, Milo and water. Okay fine and Bandung. I only eat dark chocolate, which my mom is thankful for, if not I really would be some stupid girl addicted to sugary sweet goodies.



I don't know why I'm blogging about my favourite cereal and my eating habits.


On a lighter note, I'm significantly happier today!

The only point of time I get stressed today, I realised, is usually when I'm thinking of what to write for my Appeal. I've been 'drafting' it in my head, but no concrete plans are made yet. I'm so indecisive, but yes you have got to realise that this draft could lead to my Appeal, which is also my everything at this point of time.

Like I said, I'm desperate now. Anything would do, as long as its a Poly.

This stress made me eat a lot lesser yesterday, and yet today it causes me to feel hungry at 2am!

But I want to sincerely thank the friends who have been encouraging me and giving me tips/ideas for the past two days!

I really appreciate the help and advice I got from friends and family for the past two days. I've been so lost after getting my results back that I had no more goals and aims.. As if getting back my lousy results suddenly demolished the mini game-plan of my life that I've been establishing inside my head. Especially some of my friends and relatives who went all out to check with friends and relatives what I could do, given the situation I am in.

My brain's not wrinkled dry of ideas yet. I'm trying my best for the Appeal. Wish me luck! At this moment, I need tons of it.

(When stressed, listen to Mogwai.)

Not very Amusing

JAE booklet on the bed behind me, Poly brochures to my left.

A tad bit too late to regret anything. At least, not now. I'm suddenly a whole lot more optimistic, especially about myself. I amuse myself with how fast my mind changes from optimistic to pessimistic and vice-versa.

As of now, my eyelids are feeling rather heavy and.. puffy.

It tells you indirectly that I cried quite a bit today, and I still do when my parents come into my room to comfort me. I've spent the whole night drafting up my Appeal for a Poly to accept me in.

At this point of time, I'm desperate. Anything, anything. I can't be picky, no one said that I couldn't be, but I just wish there wasn't this invisible boundary that sets me apart from everything else on the damned booklet. I'm confusing myself with how I'm suddenly pessimistic again (see the whole point of why I amuse myself?).

I was never much of an optimistic person. Or at least, I am, but only infront of others. When I let my true self out (I used the word "shine" but found it rather inappropriate), I'm rather whiny. I complain a lot.

I am one heck of a whiny girl.

The outlook of my life now looks bleak to me, prolly because I'm not asleep at this time when I really should be. My self-imposed pessimism took a toll on me which is really dumb of me if you ask.

Then again, no one said I couldn't be pessimistic. I have the permission of Ms Balan to cry the whole of today and forget about everything tomorrow.

Yes I know. It may be 2.38am now, technically Tomorrow, but in terms of Gwen, I still allow myself to wallow in self pity. At least 'till I wake up tomorrow morning. Rest assured I'll be (hopefully) less pessimistic tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Btw, meet Angie, Celine's Aussie cousin!

Aw, I do miss her so. Can't wait to visit her in Darwin soon!

Welcome 2010

I can't believe it's already 2010.

2009 has been a hell of a rollercoaster for me, what with the taking of my major examinations, screwing up things that matter.. Sometimes I wish I could turn all that around.

I may live to regret everything I've done the past year, yet I'm also thankful these incidents made me realise what/who I truly needed to get along in life. To these people: You guys are the best and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially the people who stood by me during my whiny, gloomy period, when I was prolly nothing but an annoying little brat.

If there's a group of people I must really thank, it would be my family/relatives. They've helped me a lot especially in terms of studies - encouraging me, giving me hope.. Without them it would've been tough.

Personally, I find that I've grown. Not only physically, but mentally. Well well, isn't that what everyone says at the end of every year? "I've grown to become more matured!"

But yes, I know I've matured.


New Year's Eve was awesome for me. Meeting up with a friend, celebrating it with my relatives.. That's all I really need - Good company (of friends), family and relatives.

Timothy and I crashed my uncle's humongous condo down with our 'lovely' version of Jingle Bells on their piano, we all played Wii, drank champagne that me and Mel agree tastes like apple, ate log cake and Jiaxuan and Jiaying's birthday cakes..

Wonderful end to a not-so-wonderful year.

Nevertheless my body clock seems to have slowed down while I work as I never felt like it was Christmas during Christmas, and never felt like its 2010 when it already is.

Am I the only one who feels this way?