G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Saturday, January 08, 2011


I hate being broke. I hate being asked out. I hate the fact that I always have a tendency to say yes even though I very much wanna say no. I hate going out just cuz people make me feel guilty for not agreeing to go out, I hate having to spend money when I'm out, and I hate having to spend money WHILE AT WORK.

The whole point of working is to earn money right? But my money goes to the airport for my meals ugh.

I hate having to worry about putting aside money to buy my dance shoes/jeans/etc. I hate having to work for dance.

But above all that, I hate having to ask my parents for more money.

So what else to do but to be a good kid and to work for dance? Sometimes I wish my parents would stop seeing me as a spoilt kid. Because I try so hard to just live with it whenever I'm short on cash. I NEVER ask them for extra unless I really need it, but now I HAVE to find out that my dad complains to my colleagues about me taking extra money from him.

Hi, $40 for having basically all three meals outside + buying things I need + transportation fees isn't enough. Especially when I spend about $4 a day travelling from AMK to Changi and back when I work. And I work about 3-4 times a week??

I wish I could be a professional dancer and join competitions to win it and earn money man but truth is I'm not good enough.

I think I'm just tired. Frustrated that things aren't going my way in dance. I hate the fact that I'm trying so hard to get my basics right BUT I CAN'T. I have no power in my moves, I have no hold, no control.

I try so hard at practice to get it right but somehow I can't because I was dumb enough to go self-learn dance using videos without attending classes. I've learnt everything the wrong way and thanks to this thing we call "muscle memory", I'm doing everything wrong because my muscles have gotten used to doing up/down-bounce with my shoulders. Why do I use my shoulders when doing down-bounce?

Why do I stop breathing when trying to co-ordinate everything? Yes I am THAT bad at multitasking to the point that I stop breathing while Inez tells me what I'm doing wrong when I get slightly-more-intensive training from her.

Why am I so weak??

My home away from home; my family away from family.

At times like these I can't help but to think of y'all and hey what do you know I feel so much better. Love y'all so much!

Thanks for being my everything away from everything. If you even get what that means HAHA

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