G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

To Cass, Joey, Shanai and Eileen C.

(And also Rachey P. and Celine Xie. This will be a pretty lengthy post about my friends and dance stuff so yeah, feel free to read)

Good morning everyone!

This is coming a bit late, but Happy New Year y'all!

I can't believe it's already 2012, much less the fact that SDZ's Waves16 is in exactly a month's time! Amazing. It felt just like yesterday that we were planning out whose items to audition for and all.

I've been getting a lot of support from my secondary school friends. To those that are coming: thank you so much! Especially the reunion gang: Cass, Joey, Shanai and Eileen Chua. Everytime I tell them about Waves16, they always readily respond. Today Cass told me, "It'll be cool if we all go support you" and, "I can! I'll go!"

I can't put in words how touched I am by what they're doing for me.

I know I'm not exactly a good friend. Infact, starting this year, I can honestly say I'm prolly the worst girl friend, best friend, close friend..... ever. I'm HORRIBLE at juggling time and if you can't tell from secondary school, time management hasn't been something I was good at, EVER.

I've ditched them a lot of times (I lost count really) because of my dance trainings. It's always last minute that I back out because I tend to forget when I had what going on. Suddenly I'll realise it clashes and because dance is something important (I take my CCAs very seriously) I always end up ditching them.

And they're always so nice about it! You'd think that by now after knowing them since sec2 they'd be all frank and pissed about what I'm doing, but no. They always understand.

Can't tell y'all how guilty I've always felt towards them. I've always thought that if an outsider took one glance at our friendship, they would be able to tell that I've been taking them for granted. I mean hello, just because I have to stay back in school for projects + dance, they come all the way to CLEMENTI for me? Just for a short dinner! When Joey saw me coming from the MRT station she almost cried, and I think Cass almost did too.

Very thankful for them, and everytime I tend to blog about every other group of friends but them, and Joey once told me Cass felt quite affected by that.

I admit there were times I felt like the outsider of the group because there are 5 of us. Joey + Cass are the best friends and Shanai + Eileen are the best friends. So sometimes I subconsciously exclude myself but they never fail to try to make me feel included and they always remind me how dear I am to them through their actions.

Thank you girls for standing by me, always. Very, very touched by everything that y'all have done for me thus far.

Not forgetting my other friends of course! Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU SO MUCH for wanting to come down to watch Waves16! As a dancer - and this being the first production I'm involved in - y'all have no idea how every "Okay I'll be there!" makes me feel like tearing. :')

Cel + Rae, my two oldest and dearest friends, you two have been so supportive of my dance life. I've ditched you two numerous times thanks to trainings and the fact that I'm always hanging around with my dancers because of the lack of time due to our trainings and all, but y'all always understood.

I still remember that time in July 2011. I had training with RSQ, and we were meant to have dinner at Timbre to celebrate both their 18th birthdays. I said I would be there by dinnertime after training, but I ended up getting there only at like 9-10pm? due to the fact that I couldn't get the choreo for our competition, so training dragged and dragged like crazy and I got tons of calls from both the girls. I felt so bad, but "sorry" is a word uttered too easily nowadays by anyone.

They came to my place for a sleepover after, and I could feel that something wasn't right. So when Rae went to shower I talked to Cel about it, and she told me how they felt about what I did. I was already feeling horrible, and when she told me that I started bawling. Like literally, I was sobbing SO HARD.

All I was muttering in-between sobs were, "I am going to lose all my friends because of dance. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do???? I'm eventually going to lose everyone because of my love for dance, and I can't do anything about it."

Cel then sat beside me on the floor (I was sitting on my computer chair). She held my hand and hushed me, telling me over and over again that even if I lose all my friends, she and Rach would still be around, and that she understands my intentions.

She was the one who pointed out frankly that since my passion lies in dance, I would naturally prioritize dance above anything, everything, and anyone else.

But she said she understood. She understood perfectly.

That's one moment I'll never forget.

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