G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Motivation Needed

Was surprised when I saw this question from Cheryl from my Hip Hop 2 class:

"Hey gwen,I think you'll be the only person who can understand this. Have you ever felt like you're been putting in so much effort into trying to improve but your efforts are still not bearing fruits and you feel so frustrated and annoyed for being useless

but you still don’t wanna give up cuz you love dance and still wanna keep trying ? How did you manage to grow and accomplish so much ? :X PS : Had to reach you here cuz I’m not using fb or twitter anymore. -Cheryl, hh2. Hope you still rmb me !"

Out of all the time I've been using Formspring I've never once come across such a question that.. really hit me. I'll answer this soon on my Formspring (http://www.formspring.me/geewend) but yes I totally understand how you feel.

But just so you know, I've not accomplished much in dance. Not on my standards. I guess the standards I've set for myself are.. much higher than where I'm currently at. :)

That aside, I've been feeling really "blah" today. All I've been thinking about is how unmotivated I am for school, and how.. how much I wish I could just quit school and pursue dance because I dread school now. But like what Professor Cong said, "Without studying you have no money to pay for your classes. How?!"

Okay, so he's not a professor (though he calls himself one when giving me advice), he's one of the '93 dancers in SDZ. But his advice did make sense.

I feel that my heart's somewhere else. Not a good thing definitely but I'm guessing I've been so focused on dance nothing else really matters. If it weren't for the fact that I was in SDZ I prolly wouldn't even go to SP on a daily basis.

And yet that's exactly what I'm doing now -- skipping classes but going to school only for dance. I realise I've been doing this subconsciously; I don't skip classes on purpose but I always end up getting my butt out of the house and landing it in SP just for dance.

I'm suddenly very tired, exhausted; tired of being tired.

I feel so conflicted in my own head that I doubt it's where anyone would wanna be at the moment.

On a side note, SDZ Jam 2011's coming up and the SDZ juniors are expected to join.

The catch? To join with a SENIOR that's not in hip hop due to the fact the song choices by the DJ would be one funk + one hip hop song. And since this IS a freestyle competition, we have to pair up with someone of the funk genre, namely bboy/popping/locking, unless we'd like to have our asses kicked when the DJ suddenly switches to a funk song.

We can't even join with a bboy junior pffffffft if not I could've easily asked some of the bboy juniors from Gutsy. I have a bboy senior in mind but.. not sure if he'd like to partner with me.

Need to work on my fullstops. I guess when it comes to freestyling I'm a powerhouse with the moves that I churn out of my head nonstop but really, ending on a bad note when freestyling just spoils everything. Explains my freestyle segment in the Gusty Showcase video from camp. Watching it makes me cringe. Ugh.

But it's in October? So I have a lot of time to work on it.

For now I have to work on the KPop and Bukit Batok CC hiphop competition I'm joining. These are happening in July and August respectively. And another dance project that 4 juniors from hip hop (Azrul, Jevin, Ben Jr?, and me). Gonna find out which are the other 8 juniors from bboy and modern who are part of this too this Wednesday I guess!

Must. Refrain. From. Talking. Nonsense. To. Shijie. And. Azrul. On. Facebook!!!!!

This is why you need Twitter Azrul a.k.a. Zulzul!

Alright I've been doing nothing but mugging for ICP so I guess I'd better get back to it now!


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