G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Ze laziness..

It's funny how ambitious I can get.

My life thus far has been planned out like that: Pass Math, get into a course would enjoy so that I can work my ass off for without feeling like a slave to the education system, get a good GPA, attain a scholarship so that I can study in me (and Rachel's!) dream university -- New York University - if not at least an Aussie university -- without making my parents slog THEIR asses off to pay for my school fees.

Oh and let's not forget my single drive at the moment: Dance.

So yes to top off the whole Gwendolyn Life Plan, I still want to teach hip hop in future.

O's are like, roughly in a month's time.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I told myself I could do it, I thought I could I seriously did. When someone tells you time is of the essence they aren't kidding because at this point of my life I realise there's nothing more true than said statement.

"True dat!"

But I've not been making full use of my time. Now I know how people feel when they tell me how they regret the fact that they whiled away their time.. precious time that should've been used on doing something PRODUCTIVE.

Anywho, so many people have been telling me how envious they are of my life now. Question is, how can ANYONE be envious of the life I'm leading? I've never felt more dumb in my life, like failing Math (let's not forget it was EMath? And the 'E' actually stands for ELEMENTARY) was defo a turning point in my life.

This year made me grow so much. Not even figuratively, I'm talking mentally. I snapped out of my own stupidity, I realised how important my friends and family are.. and learnt to identify the friends/people that wouldn't be around for long.

Friends at work, my BFFs, Rachel, Celine.. ah words can never express how much I love them.

I learnt to prioritize, to express myself in a less offensive manner (I know, I know. I used to be so vulgar and feisty and all that..), and oh, learnt that my blog is never a place to rant out thoughts that should be kept to thyself.

I've grown to a point where guys can never hold a place in my heart as firmly as family and friends do. I mean, definitely not referring to BFFs -- They'll always be the dudes in my life.

.....well apart from my dad and male relatives. Hahaha.

I'm not saying I won't love again, but my expectations will be definitely higher ;) Which is weird because I myself am a girl with not much to offer in the first place.

Well I guess I'm not mature enough in the self-confidence department, that's for sure.

It may be childish, but Ker and I talked about our ideal guys, when's the best time to date etc. before. For me it all bowed down to dating around university?? When the guys are more responsible and more matured. (Matured enough to break a girl's heart and not avoid settling the problem.) Or when they're less egoistic. YES GUYS YOU ARE SO FULL OF EGO IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT YET. DUH.

DIGRESSING ASIDE, so yeah why do people envy my life? I can't help but find myself terribly useless. I'm not even working now because I'm trying my best to study for my O's, and recently I had to ask my dad for money to pay for my dance fees.

I'm no poor chap, but I feel obligated to pay for what I do/own/buy/eat/shit. And not working made my own finances tight. I have some rule about keeping no less than $600 in my bank so yeah. Not working's horrible, considering the fact I get $35 bucks a week. Thank goodness Dad increased it to $40 after much whining from yours truly. And this covers my meals (no maid = takeouts), the topping up of my Ez-Link card... the norm.

Must. Learn. How. To. Stop. Agreeing. To. Go. Out. With. Friends!!

Or only go out with friends when they agree to have our meal at some chipchip place. Unless it's a special occasion. Hahaha.


So yeah I'd rather be studying in a school like everyone else. I'd rather be bombarded with massive piles of homework, only to go to school the next day with an apologetic look on my face, approaching the teacher to tell him/her the usual "I'm sorry but I can't hand up my assignment because-"

Why be envious of the school-less girl? I've yet to declare myself a dropout yet so....

Keep going keep going there's no stoppin'!!

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