One good thing about having a personal blog is that it gives me the ability to reflect on my life/day as I blog and read back on old posts.
It enables me to see how far I've come and grown as an individual.
When I read my old blog posts, I would normally find myself cringing in disgust, wondering things like how was I such a person?! and oh God I typed like THAT? Ugh!
2013 was the year I made a lot of decisions and went through a lot that made me grow stronger both physically and mentally.
It was the year I hit the big two-ohs (20, I meant 20).
It was the year I struggled hard to find my old self back.
It was also the year I struggled hard to accept the fact that I can never find my old self back, and to realise that my efforts were futile, that I experienced so much inner conflictions for nothing.
It was the year I faced a lot of difficulties and became a little jaded.
It was also the year I learnt – the hard way – that having a few hundred followers on Instagram or a thousand or so Facebook friends meant absolutely nothing because how many of those people could you call or text when you need help, need someone to be there for you, and they would immediately respond to your cry of help as a genuine (oh hey it's 2014 and I still can't spell 'genuine' right) friend would?
But it was through all this that I realised..
..it's okay to struggle, it's okay to fight, and it definitely is okay for you to crumble and fall apart.
It's okay if you take your time to get better, to come to terms with what's going on. It's even okay for you to lose yourself.
Because things will eventually get better. As long as you believe in it, you definitely can make things happen regardless of what's standing in your way.
I lost friends, gained new ones, caught up with some old friends and became even closer to them.
I took chances, I became bold. I learnt to hang on for the ride no matter how tough it gets.
Was part of a committee for my AY12/13 (AY stands for Academic Year, since we start our year in April and end it in February the next year) where I felt the freedom of doing things as the committee wished (there are no real teachers-in-charge in poly CCA clubs). Did a lot of stupid things, organized club events, stayed back till late countless times for meetings and such.
To my 7 SDZ comm members: Pressy Azrul, Vice-Pressy Jacob(ee), (amazing) QM Choonlong the dragon, Welfare Dex, thank you for being there through all the ups and downs. We were an ambitious bunch I suppose. From having organized Waves, SDZ FOC.. all the other events I can't recall at this time; for tolerating the squabbles we had over the course of us being in the comm. I truly enjoyed all the meetings and late nights because you guys were so much fun. Handing down our comm roles was pretty bittersweet, and I'm glad we pulled through.
And now the current comm's about to hand down their roles soon.. how time flies.
On a side note, I love how this photo turned out. No one directed us to smile or to look serious, and the moment we looked at the photo the guys were like, "OI WHY YOU GIRLS SMILEEEE?!". Thing is the three of us didn't plan to smile together, and the guys didn't plan to look serious together.
Met a childhood friend again after not being in contact for almost a decade, got together with him and loved/received more love than ever from someone who isn't family. He's honestly the highlight of my year, and although I can be a really difficult person from time to time, I've never felt more thankful for a simple catch up lunch that happened almost 7 months ago.
Thank you for standing by me, being my pillar of strength whenever I needed you despite you being extremely busy yourself. I love you, and here's to many more good times together!
Struggled with a friendship for the span of almost the whole year, occasionally losing faith and wanting to give up. But hanging in there we both mended our friendship, now I feel truly happy whenever I see her and we're basically just celebrating our friendship and love for dance.
Went through the same thing with another close friend and after countless struggles and confrontations, agreed that 2014 would be a better year for our friendship, for us. And guess what? Things most certainly are looking up as of now.
After everything, I'm basically just thankful I'm surrounded by beautiful friends and family, to be here, to be alive.
Happy New Year to everyone reading this!
I don't really do new year resolutions due to the fact I never do stick to them, but here's one thing I'd like to keep in mind for this year:
"But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes?"
2014: Make love your goal.