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Gooooooooooooood evening!

Once again, I've got a meeting at 12.30pm for CASS Freshmen Orientation Camp (FOC) and I'm still up at 6.01am.

(Obviously courting death.)

But hi!

Today I realised a few things. I need:

1. to learn Illustrator (since I'm considering trying for internship at a design firm. Advertising agencies may not be my thing after all)
2. to take my keyboard out of the cupboard cuz I miss playing the piano. I taught myself how to play it since my parents refused to give me piano lessons since I was 7 and I really should continue.
3. to start using the Windows component of my Mac since all games that are good don't seem Mac-compatible. I got a free Dota 2 game key from someone for Steam and Dota 2 isn't Mac-compatible OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. L4D2 is gone from my Steam library too ugh why?!

Really frustrated with how I can't game on my Mac when I finally have the time to play.

Anyways the past few weeks have been hell.

Home has been an absolute hell hole, and it really isn't the same without Dad. I'm not sure how long more we will hold up until we finally break. Drama happens every single day and it's sickening that I dread coming home and yet, at the same time, I dread leaving home.

It's as if I took the role of my dad, which kinda sucks if you think about it. I've become the person that whines at and watches over my lil' bro and my mom; the pillar.

I'm crying every day, and so is my mom. Sick sick sick sick sick of this, really. I can't stand watching her get her heart broken every other day because of something major that began with something so terribly minor.

It just isn't worth it.

I have to be strong but how much longer can the strong stand tall?

Dad, I really miss you.

WTF

You're such a loser.

Who are you to spoil my day over and over again?

Your scores are so low and you're not even afraid. You don't even try.

I've always had a weak spot when it comes to you, but I've lost faith and my trust in you. You broke my heart over and over again. Who are you to do that to me? Who are you to make me cry more than anyone else has the past few months? Who are you to make me break down? Who the f**k are you?

I've always tried my best to protect you as the older sibling. But after what you did today, you're on your own. Thank you for being freaking amazing.

Don't you worry, don't you worry child.

Family

So my dad's finally in Brunei.

Extended family brought my mom and I for a huge dinner. Ate the most amazing crab I've ever had in my life, and my aunt packed the leftovers for me (two HUGE claws ermigawd) because she knew I loved crab but haven't had it for years.

As my dad would say, "Gwen, this is family."

Which was what he told me when my extended family came over for mahjong and dinner together as a farewell for him.

First day home without Dad felt really weird.

Too bad I couldn't have dinner with my mom (who has dinner at AMK Hub with my dad every single day without fail) because I'll be having it with Rei and Elie as our way of sending Rei off to Aussie.

Spent the day packing my room and failing – as usual – because after I cleared up one side I stopped to have lunch. That led to me watching videos on YouTube AND watching Breaking Dawn Part 2, which was really awesome in my opinion except for the cheesy oh-it's-our-final-movie-let's-put-the-whole-cast-from-movie-one-to-the-last-movie-at-the-ending-credits ending.

Back to packing before getting ready to go out.

Ciaoooo

Goodbyes

G'evening folks.

With so much on my mind right now, I find it particularly hard to sleep tonight.

For one, my dad's leaving on a morning flight in 7 hours to Brunei to work. He'll only be back for good in 2-4 years.. depending on his contract.

Even though I've mentally prepared myself since months ago when he announced that he was gonna go for the job interview, it still hits hard especially when I'm a few hours away from saying things like "See you when I see you!", which I sometimes say when sending off friends who are taking on the next chapter of life overseas – something I'd like to do.

The good news is that he'll prolly come home more often in the first year, so the next time I see him will be in June/July.

I've come to realise that I'll miss him a lot, even though I don't – and won't – ever show it. I'm not a daddy's girl (even if Becca claims that she thinks I secretly am), but my dad still holds a special spot in my heart despite how harsh or unfatherly (before you go oh Gwen you're a horrible daughter to say your father is.. unfatherly! etc., no I don't mean it that way. Dude c'mon I love my family) I sometimes claim he is.

For the most part, I'm worried about how his absence would affect my mom and lil' bro. Gerald's going through his "O" Level year, and my mom's stressed like cray over it because.. well.. my mom stresses over everything. She wouldn't be Mrs Neo if she didn't.

I think I'd cope pretty well.

Also, one of my closest friends Shirei.. the FIRST EVER person I spoke to in Mayflower Sec would be leaving this coming Monday.

Sometimes life amazes you in little ways such as this. I never expected myself to end up being close friends with Shirei even though we were classmates in sec 1 and 2, and suddenly she's leaving too with a slight probability of not coming back ever.

While the people I expected to be godmothers/fathers of my future kids (who will be cute with chubby, rosy cheeks and obvious dimples that don't locate themselves where people don't see them unlike mine) are people who I don't talk to now. It's sad, really. Sometimes I can't help but think of them and miss them........................

..OK I'm sorry I digressed.

Two people to say bye to in two days.

Just gonna pray for their safety and to hope to achieve some sort of bravery so that one day I would be the one people are sending off because I was ballsy enough to do what I wanted to do and what I set out to achieve overseas, not in Singapore.

Whatever. Right now I feel like going for a drink at Clarke Quay or something.

3 hours left before I need to get my ass up to the airport.. I REALLY need to catch up on my sleep.

p.s. I dug out the beanie I bought at Genting!

For those who don't know – I love wearing beanies because I believe it's the only headgear I don't look stupid or silly in, and I always buy them when I see nice ones but how am I supposed to wear them in Singapore's weather without dying of heat ugh bye!