G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Gwendolyn N.
20 years young, a dreamer with a slight obsession for the lemniscate.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Letting Go

So I checked back on this space after months to see that people still bother reading my blog.

Hi guys, not sure what's so interesting but thank you all for, well.. staying interested.

A little update:
- I've started university in SIM-RMIT and am taking Professional Comms
- I took up a part-time job selling chocolate and such at Godiva Asia
- I fell in love, again.

The last part comes extremely unexpected for some I suppose.

What prompted this post was the fact that my classmate (used-to-be DMC-mate, yay to being from the same course in poly AND uni) suddenly asked me while we rushed around campus to get lunch:

"This is a stupid question, but why did you change boyfriends ah? Y'all so sweet leh, he's your childhood friend right! Both of them look the same leh, I was wondering why he change username and click to see it's someone else."

The metaphorical clockwork in my head suddenly cranked and ran double-time, and there I was, scrambling to form an answer in reply. All those articles I read on Facebook about growing up, growing apart! Not being right for each other after a while of being right! Those articles on Thought Catalog about letting go! Must. Share. Everything.......

The fact is: we grew apart, and we just weren't right for each other anymore.

Sure, he might've been the right one for me when we first got together; when we saw each other behind rose-coloured glasses. But when it all faded away and when we saw each other for who we truly were, it occurred to him that we just aren't compatible that way and we drifted.

It's sad but I've been learning to come to terms with how some people just aren't meant to be in your life forever.

Some just come and go, and once they're gone all you'll be left with are the memories.

I was scrolling through my Facebook this morning and came across something my friend wrote:

At some point of time in our lives, we all believed in happily ever after, we believed in the possibility that "forever" could exist. We wrote it on our arms, our notebooks, the tables, the walls; we had to let everybody know that we are 'best friends forever' or that 'I'll love him for always'.

But who is to say when time ends and when it begins? Who is to say what forever really means? Who is to say that anything can be eternal?

With growing older, comes the acceptance that everything, everything is transient, temporal, for the here and now. And that at any point in time, everything might change. And that's okay.

We both loved differently, and that's that.

I was initially really afraid to jump in for the ride with Tris, but extremely happy I did because right now I'm happier than I've ever been. It's hard to love someone again, to trust them with everything.

I believe someone is most vulnerable when they're in love. So how do you trust someone all over again after getting your heart crushed badly a couple of months back? How does someone become your second love?

For all that it's worth, I do trust him. I am extremely thankful and grateful to be the girl to be on the receiving end of such a warm, comforting kind of love. The kind of love that makes me grin at my phone because he's being silly, the kind of love that makes me content just being in his arms, or feeling content just seeing him for a couple of minutes. It's kinda crazy how similar both of us are. We have so many things in common and Tris really just is the best boyfriend. (I'm sure reading this would make his head grow. Bloop bloop!)

The breakup with R wasn't easy, but looking back at it now makes me really thankful I went through that, and that I learnt how to let go. It enabled me to find someone better suited for me, someone who loves me the way I always pictured I would be loved.

Whoever said letting go was bad for you?

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