The Big Groove 2013

Short blog entry/reflection to sum up my TBG 2013 experience before I go to bed:

Mind. Blown.

It's amazing how a concert like this would change and inspire the many dancers who attended it.

(I was about to describe TBG as "one small concert" but then it occured to me how TBG is NOT small at all.)

Someone tweeted about how TBG is like National Day – all the dancers look forward to it plus it's a must watch for us.

It's true I suppose. We have guest performers from all over the world and they rehearse so hard just for one night like that that unites dancers everywhere. I look forward to every year's TBG more than I do NDP.. damn.

My mindset for dance hasn't been quite right this year.

I was always tempted to leave just because.

Just because I felt like I didn't belong.
Just because I felt lonely in a room full of people.
Just because I felt like my passion was dying.
Just because I felt like my passion was suffocating me.
Just because I felt more miserable trying to get my passion back than anything else.

Then it hit me: stop being such a brat.

"Be more appreciative, Gwen!" I told myself. And now I see myself feeling it all over again, the hunger, the urge, the need to dance and perform, and the need to improve myself to become the music, and not just dance to it.

It's funny how I concluded all this after a few hours in a Suntec convention area, with crazy-ass vibes from everyone in there. The excitement, the chills, everyone's passion for dance oozing to every crack in the wall, every corner in the hall.

The atmosphere.

I LOVED it, and I absolutely missed it.

Strictly Dance Zone is my 2nd-2nd family (the MFSS sailors would always be my 1st-2nd family), and I'm terribly grateful for the chances I've gotten throughout the past 3 years I've been in the club and the people I've met along the way.

It was one hell of a bumpy ride, and as much as I hated it from time to time, I found that I have so much more to be thankful for.


Then I realised that I didn't fall out of love with dance per say..

I got bitch-slapped by reality, that is all.

I need to remember how it felt to dream.. to dream big.

Sunshine

(Told you I would get my blogging bug back in Space Media Practicum due to boredom. A few of us even started blasting and watching the NDP 2013 MV in class.)

Feels good to be back in school for class after not having classes since last Monday.

Well, "class". Since we're just sitting here and freezing in the classroom.

Life as a Year 3 student goes like this: FYP, FYP, practicum module, FYP, FYP, FYP, FYP FYPORTiEUFEIUFWA. Used to love the fact that I only have classes from 8-11 on the days I had school, but no, I kinda wish I was Year 2 again, rushing projects, presentations and reports with all the clashing deadlines.

Used to hate that, but right now when you've got so much time, it's honestly all you miss.

Oh, remember the 2nd fire that broke out in Singapore Poly within a week?

Was walking to MPH on Saturday for training, and this was what I saw.

Heard one of the makciks from the fried rice Muslim stall got sent to the hospital. All the vendors at FC3 are really nice people, hope they're all okay.

Anywho.

Finally got my iPhone 4's screen fixed today with Jack.

A whopping $75 and an hour later I left the shop with my baby back in my arms :')

Didn't get to buy my Canelé macarons since we were in a rush, which I felt really bummed out about cuz I was happily spazzing in my head about getting them after fixing our phones. It's alright, there's always next time!

Macarons seriously make me happy like nothing else on Earth heehee my happy pills!

Heehee I've been feeling so happy and so much better recently.

Done quite a bit of thinking and reflecting and gave serious thought of how miserable I have been the past few months.

I just thought and made the worst of every situation. It made me such a bitter person, and I snapped pretty easily and was highly irritable.

Decided that it was time for a change, especially since Geisel spoke to me and she told me only I can change how I see things, and being optimistic would make my life a lot less sad.

So I stopped expecting, stopped being mean and snappish.. and the moment something negative about myself/a person/a situation popped up in my head I told myself to shut it and find the good in everything and everyone instead. (Unless it's for the people I really abhor.)

Definitely works for me because I feel so much better now! My smile definitely comes from the heart too, it's not just me smiling for the sake of putting on a façade.

On a random note, my GPA this year's still 4.0 though, which is amazing and I've never felt more blessed and thankful. Although my combined GPA would still be shit, I hope the 4.0 would pull it up slightly even.

"Why suddenly so nervous about your GPA! Year 1 you also don't care, no A at all you also never say anything???"

Weeeeeell.............. I've been putting more thought into how I should attend university because I realised that I do enjoy studying.

I honestly regret placing studies as my priority only now when it's too late.

Then again I'm a strong believer in miracles happening to those who help themselves and those who hope for the best, so yeap! Hopefully something good comes out of this at the end of it all. Shall make the best out of every situation :)

I'm just really happy about the fact that I'm finally gonna see Russell after work later!!!! Another what, 21hours more to go?

It's been 2 long weeks since I last saw him, gah! So yes, I am of course entitled to feel happy and excited that I'm able to see him. :)

Alrighty mighty! Should turn in now, it's gonna be a long day tomorrow, what with me going to school (FINAL SUBMISSION FOR SPACE MEDIA PRACTICUM OMG SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME POMPOMS AND CONFETTI TO CELEBRATE THANKS), then heading down to Glenn's school near my place (emphasizing this cuz if I didn't need to travel to school I could just head straight down and be there after a 10-minute bus ride), then another bus ride down to Novena to work then back home to meet ze boyfriend hehe.

Ciao!

Doing work and listening to this song isn't working at all.

For one, I wanna choreo to this song as a part of the performance we're doing at Chan's aunt's event, so all I'm doing is up-bouncing in my chair like nobody's business CUZ I BE FEELIN' IT.

You gotta admit, the beat's pretty sick and Dea & Kevin are KILLIN' IT.

Two, it's giving me a headache.

The whole mix by DJ Kontrol's 9mins long.

Haven't been feeling well at all today.. eyes burning, throbbing headache and burning + dry throat.

Felt so sick I did what I usually do on days I feel shitty: down as many 1.5l bottles of water as possible. So far I've downed about 3 bottles plus a 600ml one so yeah. On to my 4th 1.5l bottle.

Anywho.

Monday's vetting went pretty well!

Instead of calling ourselves "Year 3s", we finally settled on Little Rascals Crew as our crew name. WHADDUP LRC! *enthusiastically does crew hand sign*

Glad to announce that MPH still felt like home despite it being overly crowded since vetting was for all 3 genres that day. I can confidently say we had over 50 people crammed there on Monday.. felt just like we were doing vetting for Waves :')

Hopefully we'd figure out everything because the event's (InS'ync) on 3rd August, and O Crew's coming down to judge.. like whoa much. To be doing a friendly showcase competition with TPDE's just crazy. Thankful for the experience but also a bit freaked out by it because TPDE has major props and respect from me.

While debriefing, AnAn was like, "How about next Monday we do a combined vetting here with TPDE?" You could see everyone's faces turn from :D to D: in a split second.

Also helped my babies with their babies.

Now before you get me wrong, my babies are the girls from my item for last year's junior showcase.

When I went to join them, Cherie said, "Oh this is Gwen btw. She's the choreographer of last year's girls' hip hop item for junior showcase so it's like.. this is her legacy la haha. Elena and I are her daughters so ya she's your grandma."

I have more grandkids now!

Could see how some of their girls really valued the comments from my batchmates and I (we're kaypoh like that) and some of the alumni, which warms my heart cuz I've heard – and seen – a lot of negative stuff from the new batch from camp alone.

It's crazy cuz we have so much to do in a week and LRC has yet to even settle on the costume. Someone, shoot us please thanks.

Met Joey last Friday for a much needed day out. We went grocery shopping at AMK Hub and she spent so much buying stuff to cook for her JC friends.

She keeps me sane, I swear. She never fails to talk sense into me and I always eventually just calm down while she talks to me. Thank you :* I love you to the moon and back Joey TJY <3 p="">

The past few weeks have been crazy, but I'm glad to say that on an emotional level, I'm a lot better and a lot happier, but I'm drained physically due to the lack of sleep and stress levels increasing.

Would any kind soul out there like to donate a box of macarons to the Gwen Foundation?

Glad we're submitting our final CA for Space Media practicum this Friday. 

I'm on my way to freedom!

Sleepless Nights..

..are made of these:

1) An insect (which you presumed was a cockroach) scuttling across your bedroom floor just as you shut your laptop off for the day to sleep. You later find out, upon closer inspection, that the insect is NOT a cockroach, and that it can fly.

2) Endless stupid thoughts of regret flooding your mind.

I'm surprised how its already 2.23am and yet I'm wide awake....... hi Katy Perry.

These thoughts are consuming my mind and it's killing me, especially since I tend to think and reflect a lot more at the end of the day. It's ridiculous that I would suddenly regret self-sourcing for my internship just because everyone else got fun companies they look like they would learn a lot from.

And it's affecting me enough to be blogging on my iPhone. With its cracked screen.

I need to see the positive I'm this — apart from my pay which is still by far the highest when I asked around to compare.

I need to stop regretting and start thinking how the company must be good if not all right, if not I doubt my gut feeling would've been holding the Pompoms of Encouragement in the first place, waving it in my face. I wouldn't have squealed either on both occasions whereby I stopped by the office (which would be the ITP company I'm working under in a few months).

Need. To. Be. Positive!!!!

Emote

Disclaimer: It's been a long day.

I need to rant, so hi please just skip this post and come back another time. There are also a lot of "f" words used in this post so if you don't want to see the more vulgar side of me I highly recommend you just move on.

I really have no idea to feel.

First off, I don't even know you that well, you're just a close friend's jerk of a boyfriend. You decided to hound me for YOUR issues with her at 6am in the morning just to insult me over and over again?

What a pussy.

Fuck, no guy has EVER made me sit up in the wee hours of the morning crying and shaking with anger and sadness (because I do admit, words can hurt me pretty easily). Making me out to be a slut and all, scolding me, telling me to pray for my knees and telling me I throw myself at guys?????

OH PLEASE YOU'RE SUCH A JOKE.

You're a sports person too, you of all people should know how difficult it is to have an long-term knee injury?

You're such a loser and a wuss. You have no balls. Once you realise you're at the losing end you resort to insulting people and what, physical abuse? I honestly don't think you should even classify yourself as a dude cuz you're just a pussy that doesn't treat women the way they should be.

In the past you insult my best poly friend (once again for issues between you and your girlfriend that's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS) and you tried to get at me too but last time I couldn't be bothered. But this time... who the fuck are you to throw words like that at me?

If you were infront of me I would've punched your bloody ugly face and – as a bonus – thrown a kick at your non-existent balls.

I do admit that I had fun trolling you though.

Loved the fact that even though I lacked sleep and was thoroughly upset + annoyed I could still say my typical nonsense like:

"God bless your sad soul
I shall go to the mosque and pray to Allah for you
Go to the temple to pray to Buddha for you
Go to church and pray to God for you

Ya Allah~"

Thankful for my girlfriends who came to my defence, talking to me at 7am in the morning just to calm me down and reassure me that it's alright. Shermin was all, "Wtf B, WHO? THAT ASSHOLE IS IT? That fucker we spoke about in the morning?" 

I was honestly quite shocked at Cel's response when I went to her with screenshots of his chat to me, telling her how fucked up I was feeling.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Need us to set his hair on fire?"

:') you're my best friend alright.

So after the shit that happened in the morning, I went to work on 3hours of sleep.

I've warmed up to my colleagues except some of the kitchen staff, so working has been a lot more fun lately and the time actually flies.

What really bothered me was the fact that I was being called fat a lot today. 

Every other sentence my colleague would be like, "Why are you this size?" 

"You eat so little your size still like that?!" 

"You know what you should take up? Ballet. The reason why I won't tell you~" (obviously geared to the fact that it'll help me slim down.)

"You 60+kg? Where got.. look more like 70 plus sia I'm already 50+kg eh and you look waaaay bigger than me leh!"

I know he's joking and honestly, he was really, really nice to me at work and looking out for me more than half the time today, but I couldn't shake off the comments at all and in my mind all I can think of is whether I really want to eat my next meal or not?

And sadly I gave in to the thoughts in my mind.. for today.

I don't show it, but deep down inside I still struggle with trying not to view food as the enemy, and it's not easy. I still dislike taking pictures where my body can be seen and I hate looking at my body in the mirror. I just feel gross and disgusting.

Then again, there's nothing I can do.

No one knows what it's like to feel the way I do.

To feel as if you're the world's grossest person, to avoid looking at even your own reflection in the glass, to dislike the fact you see full-length mirrors in toilets..

No one.

I have even more on my mind but.. I guess this is enough ranting for one night.

I'm just really sick of crying, regardless of whatever triggers it.

Goodnight y'all!

Title?

Thank you for staying by my side even though I was a nasty mess.

You're here to stay, I get that now.

I love you, to the moon and back :)

I just want everything negative on my mind to disappear with a snap.

Just.. sigh.

It's affecting me too much and I'm showing it to the people who honestly don't deserve to see this side of me, the people who deserve the best.

You know how sometimes you randomly start crying for no reason at all? 

You're just sitting there sobbing uncontrollably and you have no idea what triggered it.

It's like a "pause" button, a little "break" you heart decided to give you because it knows you would keep it all in no matter what.

Was talking to Min last night, and we found out that both of us were doing the same crying-for-no-goddamned-reason thing. Guess this is just really overwhelming for the both of us.

You're not the only one.

Losing It

I need to stop crying.

The past few days.. it's as if all I can do is cry.

Cry myself to sleep, cry to myself when I wake up.. for various reasons but reasons nonetheless. Then the cycle repeats itself the next day, and the next, and the next.

I cannot stand being disappointed.

I cannot stand being upset.

I cannot stand I myself being sensitive.

I cannot stand being lied to.

I cannot stand being manipulated.

Best part is I have to go to school and pretend I'm totally fine, or at least I think I'm doing a good job. Then Syara Skypes me and tells me "No wonder you look like sad only today". Sigh.

Times like these I really just need to switch off and stop thinking everything I'm thinking. I wish I could just stop interacting with people, to just be on my own. To cry myself to sleep tonight instead of having to stay up cuz I suddenly have this whole shitpile of things to do.

I'm exhausted, and I am certainly losing it.

What the hell is wrong with me..

Shit

On the verge of giving up.

Maybe it's better for you that I'm not in your life.. maybe.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. no, this week's gonna be a long week.

I have this strong urge to pull out of STL, not because I can't handle it but because I really know I don't want to go back anymore. But I know if I do that's really it. I won't see myself dancing anymore, especially not in SDZ.

I can live without the people who can live without me.

Sick of myself, sick of comparing, sick of wishing and definitely sick of wanting things to work out for me.

It kinda sucks that nothing's going my way at the moment, and I'm also finding out a lot of things I guess I shouldn't have.

Glad I had a good day with Russell and my girls earlier today.

A day well spent with my loved ones was seriously all I needed, especially what with the drama that came after.

I know these are just some of the people I can count on forever in life :)

Met Russell after submitting my ITP forms and headed down to FEP to meet Joey, ZS and Eileen!

The guys got to catch up while we girls just sat around talking nonsense as Joey had her hair diiiid. Can't believe we were discussing our houses in secondary school and recalling who was in what house.

OMG I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY OLD PHOTOS TO SEE IF WE HAD A PHOTO OF US IN OUR HOUSES......

.......AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND:

Tada! Our photo from when we were still in sec 2Integrity.

Waited around for Joey to be done at the salon before accompanying Russell for lunch at Ofira hehehe. Though I didn't eat today I think I'll never get sick of the food there!

Went to Prologue with him and after a round around the place, I'm seriously considering whether or not to blow half of my June pay on books since I've been holding back for months (cuz that's how long I've been struggling with cash. Spend on things I need/would do when going out like movies and food, but don't spend on the things I can live without).

Proceeded to YCK to Joey's house after for chili crab dinner!

Hehe so full but it looks like only Cass and I are the ones really crazy about chili crab. Now I know who I can call out whenever I wanna go out for chili crab!

Oh, it was also the day I became an IJC AND NYJC student.

Just kidding of course!

Shirt from Shanai's orientation thing in IJC, and NYJC shorts from Joey which I borrowed cuz I refused to play Dance Central 3 in a skirt and a tank top + denim jacket.

Anyways welcome back to Singapore for now Joey Tan!

So glad you're back (even though it's for a month) really. Missed you like crazy when you were in Aussie and I'm pretty glad we can both Skype with each other cuz it'll be another 4 years till you're back for good!

Love you to the moon and back!

Oh well time to get some sleep cuz I have to get up at 10am tomorrow. Can't wait till this week is done and over with because then I'll have freedom for a while.

I'm gonna spend the whole day drawing and editing away sigh dear MacBook please behave tomorrow cuz I'm bound to have a lot to do! Hang in there, my love!!!!

What I should keep in mind:

Thank you, Patrick.

Can't wait till Saturday cuz that's when I'll see him again.


In the meantime, I really need someone to talk to.

Honestly on the verge of breaking down.

It's not that I don't care

I don't get myself.

I don't get you either.

Been thinking about it for so long.. too long, actually.

Finally gave up the idea of doing R! Recital this year. Was so excited about it but it all came to naught. Was terribly depressed about the idea of giving up the one thing that was making me look forward to dance because honestly, everything dance-related hasn't been going good for me. It doesn't feel good to dance in school, in T11, or with SDZ dancers anymore and – as much as I hate to admit – I'm losing my passion for dance.

You have no idea how much or how hard I cried when typing the long-ass message to Chun. No one will ever understand that feeling.

Because apart from the fact recital trainings made me happy while dancing, it allowed me to get closer to you again. We've been through so much, and no doubt I was the shittier friend and I will admit that no matter what because I know myself that I'm not a good friend, but I'm trying.

I was so happy that we finally have a reason to get close again, and I was hoping that at the end of this journey we would be as close as we were before, like the sisters that went crazy seeing each other, or the two that wouldn't stop hugging and squealing once we see each other because that was how genuine our friendship was.

What happened?

I never want to give you up as my friend, but it looks like you have.

Right here and right now I'll admit that I can't do without you. Days go by and I think to myself, how are you doing at your internship? Are you eating well? Are you still puking your food out due to your stress and your body rejecting food since you've been eating weird stuff at weird timings due to your company putting such a heavy workload on your shoulders?

There's so much about you that goes through my mind it's crazy.

Then again I tell myself, "Right, you don't care anymore. What am I doing.."

Wanna know why I felt so depressed I couldn't do recital?

YOU.

Imagine me, a pathetic crybaby, sitting at my MacBook typing out a blog post weeks back about how bitter I felt about not being able to be a part of recital.. crying and crying and crying.

The moment the recital song played on my iTunes, I cried even harder.

For what?

I'm thinking, that's the end. No more meeting you early for dinner before recital, no more rushing around to catch our last trains, no more suppers at Macs with you after trainings.

Because that's honestly the only time I ever get to repair this friendship with you. And I treasure every moment even though sometimes it's just us sitting there not saying anything because we're both so tired from whatever we were doing before – you, internship. Me, FYP/module work.

Things were getting so much better. I didn't dare tell you about how I initially started liking my guy because I was thinking how we were just repairing the friendship, could I even talk to you about such things that only came up usually during HTHTs?

But you found out, and even offered to accompany and help me look around for my first birthday gift ever to him. You were there to hear me ramble on and on about how I wasn't sure whether he was an S or an M because he was tall but lankier, you were there to Whatsapp and comment on my Instagram giving me that cheeky face emoji when I was sketching his card out and all.. things were looking up and for once I felt like I could talk to you about anything and everything again.

How much it hurt me when you dropped me after I told you I have to pull out of recital.. you'll have no idea. Because it already hurt me to not be able to do recital.. I just wanted you there to tell me it's okay.

But who am I to say you'll never understand?

I guess this is punishment for me being such a shitty friend towards you, no?

I hate not being able to talk to you freely as I used to, I hate not being able to do beary hugs with you or run to you and squeal and hug and not care that everyone around us is staring at us like we're looney, I hate the fact that I miss moments like the times you wait for me to come because you know I'm sad, so you hug me and let me whine or cry and when I'm done you'll pass me a pack of Malteasers because you know how those are (one of my) favourites.

I hate the fact I can't do my first recital outside SDZ with you, or be silly with you, sharing earpieces while dancing and trying not to do movements too big because the earpiece always falls out of either one of our ears.

You're that dear a friend to me, though I don't say/show it.

But you'll never understand that.

I have no idea what I feel right now. The anguish from the fact I know nothing will ever be the same again? The sadness I feel from losing a friend who took my first overseas trip without parents and roomed with me? The bitterness I feel from not being able to perform with you?

The sourness from the fact that I've not gotten over how me being a shitty friend has caused me to lose you in my life? In my dance life?

Losing someone from your life never feels good. It doesn't feel good ONE BIT.

I've already lost enough close friends in my life. I don't need to lose more. Just when we were getting better, too.

It never will feel alright, and I hate the fact that right now you just seem to push me away when you see me. Am I that repulsive?

Even now, I wanna Whatsapp you so bad to ask you to session the week after all my CA1s are presented and submitted, but I can't even pick up my phone to open up our Whatsapp because I don't know how you'll react and even worse – whether you'll reply me.

Then again, what am I thinking?

It's too late to say all these.

I never wanna give up on you, but right now.. I doubt you feel the same.

Oh, these times are hard, yeah they're making us crazy. Don't give up on me baby.

(Ugh at the apt lyrics making me feel more upset sigh.)

$$$

Our showcase for SDZ Camp was aweeeesome!

I see myself jumping around like a monkey at the start........ as usual.

Glad I managed to get the choreography down in 2 days because I haven't had much practice before this.

I'm so envious of everyone that has travelled during the holidays. It's like, everyone went/has been to places like BKK (sigh Shermin Sim's photos of the cafe with all the awesome cakes sighhhh mampos ah aku nak aku nakkkk), Australia.. even Malaysia. Me? I've been stuck in Singapore the whole time.

Really wanna get out badly. Even if it's for 3-4 days it's okay, s'long as I go somewhere.

Glad that the BFF's planning a trip to Batam with me for a weekend! Both of us initially wanted to plan a short trip to BKK but we can't go for too long cuz of her internship during her uni hols and also cuz it's my FYP period, so we figured it would be pointless and she told me I should go with other people instead. :(

On the other hand, The Legency's thinking of planning a grad trip to Korea!

So I guess I'm gonna try saving my internship pay like cray cuz I plan to set aside at least $2k to go to LA for a dance trip with Channie and/or Betts (who is having the time of her life there right now), and now Korea.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ sigh I'm already broke now but thank God for my $7/hr pay cuz I'm only working twice this month but I'll be earning $105! Compared to my job at Kidz Time – measly $5.50/hr pay – this is so much better.

For now I'll just focus on getting better because I've been coughing like nobody's business and of course, my first FYP presentation this Friday.

It's currently 3AM and I'm working on the slides still since I coughed myself awake sigh.

Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday Kon!

Happy 20th (okay fine, 15th) birthday Elizabeth Konstantin Kwek!

Hope you enjoyed the little surprise even though it wasn't much!

I don't think I've ever gone to someone's place at 12AM on their birthday just to surprise them, so please feel free to feel honoured hehe.

Her mom came up with the idea of preparing everything outside, then bringing into the room to surprise her since she was "too busy playing her game".

Caught her in the room while she was playing Maple Story.

Her reaction? Priceless.

As we sat there for a moment after her mom took photos of us (and kindly uploaded them all to Facebook, which is where I got these photos from. Thank you aunty Serene!), we realised two things: 1) We have been friends for 7 years. 2) That on her birthday last year I did something similar.

Last year, instead of going to her place at 12AM with a cake from Polar, I told her I wasn't able to make it for lunch. She went ahead with Sam and Rei, and when they were done I went to the place to surprise her with – you guessed it! – a cake from Polar. Success!

It's been 7 years, whoa.

A good 7 years with many ups and well, technically not many downs at all!

Thank you for being such an awesome friend, listening to my rants since we were 13 and joining in whenever I did lame and/or stupid stuff just for the fun of it.

Also, thank you for being so supportive towards me and my love for dance. You've been supporting me since day 1, and I felt on top of the world when you came down for SDZ Waves 16 with Quin and Cheryl.

Stayed at her place till 2am or so talking about anything and everything, especially about the days we were both still in Mayflower Sec.

Love you Elie.

Have a great one tomorrow!

Our first (proper) photo together, finally!

It's bad cuz I can't stop looking at it.

For anyone out there who needs a new pickup line of some sort, here's one from Elie and her mom: "I love you to the moon and back, because 月亮代表我的心。"

*shudders*

Okay, I'm yawning away.

Time to sleep! Goodnight y'all ;)

To the Moon and back

Good morning!

(Get ready for loads of selfies with twists in them.. think I'm too Asian for my own good)

Currently 3:40AM and I'm still up talking to Rei on the phone.

Cheer up my lub!

Sigh would really miss her when she leaves for Aussie again. Spent a good amount of time with her at AMK Hub after my job interview. Can't wait till I actually manage to save enough cash to fly there one day so that I could visit both her and Joey in Melbourne.

Then again I think my paycheck wouldn't be enough for everything.. I'm too greedy. Have yet to start work and my internship and already I'm thinking of what I could do with the money I save (that is if I manage to save much to begin with).

Sigh when I wink both my eyes disappear.

100% Chinese right here.

Meeting Rei tomorrow for Elie's birthday, before spending the rest of the day with Russell and then meeting my bestfriends who, like me, are all too busy.

Happy birthday in advance Elizabeth Konstantin Kwek!

You were one of my first few friends and clique-mates in MFSS, what with us both being from 1Endeavour and all. Even though we both grew up to like different things I'm glad we still easily find common ground and that we do lots of stupid stuff together. I hope I get to travel to Japan with you one day since it's both our dream destinations!

Thankful for the friends like you who stayed. :')

Happy 20th birthday my love!

And also, happy 20th Beanie!


Too many things go through my mind too often.

That isn't a good thing cuz right all I want to do is lead a drama-free life where I'm happy with all my friends and family, and that I just enjoy the days as they come and go.

I don't want to spend them thinking about dance, about projects (though I throughly enjoy doing work hehe), about what I shouldn't or should've done.. everything mentally unhealthy for a somewhat-happy person like me.

I haven't been the same Gwen everyone knew in Year 1, but I'm working towards getting back to my (genuinely) jovial self.

But yeah, I'm glad I get to spend the whole of tomorrow with people I love and enjoy being around.

People I'm extremely thankful for, as always.


And oh, I'm pretty sure you'll read this eventually (hehe stalker), but hi Russell.

(Inserts photo of us here, since we don't have one yet)

Would've dedicated a whole post just for you, but I'd feel shy doing that and I'm pretty sure I would have plenty of chances to in future.. so hi for now!

You were one of my closest childhood friends, then we lost contact for 10 years and on the 15th of June.. here we are.

Who would've expected?

I love you to the moon and back (you'll hear this a lot from me soon enough.. it's a phrase I use often on select people heh).

Thank you for everything, for accepting my flaws as they are and allowing me to see that sometimes the parts of me that I hate and think are extremely ugly could actually be lovable to someone.

I know I've said this to you before, but I really treasure our weekends together because that's all the time we get to spend with each other every week. I can't find any reason to take you for granted, nor do I find the need to get mad at you because every hour counts. What for spend it bickering on small and stupid things? (Honestly hoping this will never change.) Even before we got together, I was already ambiguously tweeting about how I looked forward to Fridays because I get to see you. You mean so much to me, and it feels pretty weird to know that someone thinks the same of me.. I never thought that I could actually mean anything to anyone really.

So a huge thank you for finding me and wishing me happy birthday after 10 years :)

I'll give myself a pat on the back for replying you even though it was a month later. Hee.

And oh, thank you for making me smile all the time and never getting tired of my smile. You have no idea how I feel inside whenever you tell me how much you love seeing me smile. I always feel like I wanna cry, but I tell myself not to be such a crybaby HAHA.

So yeap, here I am looking forward to the days I get to spend with you regardless of whether it's on Whatsapp while you're in camp, or in person when you've booked out.

All this seems pretty scary to me because I can't help but think along the lines of 'all good things come to an end'. It's scary to think how I might lose you one day.. but then I will never let you go.

I hope I do this right and never hurt you, be it accidentally or intentionally. I understand fully how capable I am of hurting someone, and I wouldn't want to hurt you.. ever.

Once again, love you to the moon and back Yiting.

Or maybe I should say "I love you to the stars and back" because I love stars a lot more than I do the moon. :)

Goodnight!

Shoot Dem Zombies

Finally able to shoot some zombies.

Thank you Steam for making me seem like more of an idiot. Ben had a good time laughing at my stupidity, especially since he was the one who gifted L4D2 to me.

But hey B&, if you're the one who gifted it to me how come you didn't realise it was to my first Steam account? And I know you'll see this please haha hm (yeap got the last laugh since you ended up not being able to play — when YOU'RE the one who asked me to go kill zombies with you — cuz you didn't download the game.... good job Ben!)

Don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm feeling affected and bothered really (when honestly, I know that I normally shouldn't/wouldn't be).. then again, seeking solace in shooting some zombies doesn't sound like a bad idea either..

Aaaand just in time, Brian Ting invites me to play L4D2! Yay excited but he's playing it on Beta mode zzz Brian WHY.

Oh well should just continue my work.

Crazy week ahead.

To the DMC people heading to BKK today (will forever regret not signing up for the BKK study trip sigh), have fun and enjoy your trip! Can only imagine what traveling with a whole bunch of people from DMC would be like.. fun and nonsensical!

Weird but I feel like I miss my classmates (going for the trip) already! Have fun 01, catch y'all when y'all are back!

Ciaos!

My Day(s) in Pictures

Good evening everyone!

It's finally the hols!

Hurrah for no(t as many) early mornings!

Was looking through my phone and found a few photos that I wanted to transfer but never did until recently so yeap here they are.

This is The Legency playing Fun Run after one of our FYP meetings.

Everytime we have nothing to do/wanna take a break, someone would be like "FUN RUN LEGGO!" and we'd all whip out our phones.

We even got Glenn to download it on his iPhone cuz he kept playing it on mine, and he's totally hooked. The last time they were at my place for filming, they couldn't stop playing it when we took breaks!

Chilled at Conrad Hotel on Sunday with Quinnie, Cheryl, Yingpeng, WinEe and Quin's sisters + her friends, one of which was also a Quinnie.

Drank Baileys that YP brought along as we played this game Jing introduced us to, which was quite fun. There's a bear/wolf, a healer and civilians. The bear/wolf kills someone every round, and everyone's supposed to guess who the bear/wolf is.

Jing was the bear one of the rounds, but we all guessed (and eliminated) WinEe instead, and he was trying to prove to us that he wasn't the bear hahaha it was so funny.

He died anyways, and Cheryl snapped a photo of him looking like the epitome of depression, what with his beer bottle in hand, lying on the bed while eating a Snickers bar and all.

Quin brought this game along!

Used to play this all the time with the 1E'06 people when we were all in what, sec 3? We recalled how Deyuan once had a card that said dragon or something, and we refused to let him clear the card.

Example:

"And when we entered the realm, there was a flying-"

DY: *looks at us expectantly*

"......no Deyuan, no. There was a flying PENGUIN."

DY: AH, DAMN!!

Sigh I really miss the 1E'06 peeps. Tightest class ever hehe all the way.

Bumped into Becca Ten in FC5 on Wednesday.

Ended up going to the FC5 toilet and we stood there talking about random things cuz of the fan inside the toilet. Then we both realised how stupid we were cuz FC5 itself has aircon and it's so cold inside!

We tried to take a picture that sorta resembled this photo we took months back..

呵呵像不像？

Took a trip to the Singapore Art Museum with Palette Productions on Thursday for our site recce.

It was totally amazing. I've always wanted to go check out the museums here in Singapore and when I got to SAM I was so happy.

Would definitely drag people to go there again with me someday so that I can actually take my time to check out the works instead of having to rush about. There are gonna be some new installations coming up soon I think! And I'm really excited for my next visit there.

We also visited the other museum across the road, which was more for kids I guess?

Check out their cute exhibitions:

Hello Acap!

Went to the Thai food place at Far East Plaza after filming to have lunch/dinner and to ask for permission to film and feature the place!

The last time I came here to eat was after the Gatsby Finals and the dancers didn't order the mango sticky rice.. but yay the Palette Production peeps wanted to eat it so we shared it amongst the 8 of us there! T'was so good, but definitely not as good as the cheap one I ate at Krabi when I was there for December sailing camp in sec 3.

I wanna go on some food journey around Singapore someday. Would be good to travel to locations I seldom explore, armed with my baby DSLR in hand no?

Met Geisel after and accompanied her to have her dinner at Shokudo.

Shared the waffle with her and we were so full after. We didn't even finish it.

Headed down to Recognize Studios for recital training, only to strain a muscle while warming up and training for splits.

The flooring was slippery (the studio's bloody cold so when we sweat and full out, the mirrors fog up like cray and the floors become wet from the condensation) and we were training our front splits again as usual.

Then I accidentally tilted my foot a bit too much and the side of my Converse (boy are rubber soles dangerous.. they've caused me to slip and/or fall twice in the same week) caught the damp flooring and tada! I slipped and spent a minute or two rolling on the floor in pain.

Chun came running over as the girls who were beside me all hovered around me trying to help me stretch and she was like, "Dear ah I think you've just pulled your muscle. It's okay, common for dancers. I pulled the exact same muscle before. Later I'll pass you deep heat and all and you go home and rub okay?"

I was like, "NOOOOOOooooOoOoOOOoooo0oO0oo"

Spent the next 2 hours sitting on the floor trying not to move my leg, using only my arms to dance so that I could at least let my arm muscles register the moves sigh. Muscle memory.. mmhmm.

Surprisingly it's totally fine now.. just aches when I sit in certain angles but all's good! I've experienced worse heh heh (like my old toe injury).

And sigh my iPhone...............

Could totally live with the crack though. Makes my phone look kinda cool.

Need to be less careless sigh.

By the way, Irwan sent me this picture and told me it reminded him of my girls' item for the 2012 SDZ Junior Showcase, since we used Rihanna's Birthday Cake song.

"He want dat cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake."

Couldn't stop laughing when I saw it.

My Saturday was well spent :)

Met up with some of the sailors at AMK at night for Now You See Me and dinner. Too bad Yingpeng couldn't join us cuz he was at his LOTR concert thing. Bummer, I miss that bro of mine.

Makes me really thankful for the sailors' Whatsapp group cuz without it I doubt the few of us would be meeting up as often. Miss all the good ol' times.

Sadly I won't be able to officiate the next regatta sighhhh moneyyyy. Quin got a "pay raise" from Jhing though so she now earns $40 from officiating haha while I would still earn $30 or so per day. Hopefully Jhing decides that she needs people for Sunday so that I could go. Really miss spending a whole day out at sea on a boat, pulling up rusty anchors and all (no sarcasm here AT ALL. I actually do miss that feeling)!

Okay, the master of procrastination shall end here and resume her work (which, after a day, she has yet to complete).

Bye!