Tanjong Pagar Cafe Hunt + Cake Spade

So I met Geisel at Tanjong Pagar with the intention of finding a cafe to have dinner and desserts.

She Whatsapped me a whole list of cafes on her to-go list! Though after I narrowed it down to Arbite and Artistry, we realised that Artistry closes at 7pm, and for some reason we decided to skip Arbite and just try our luck at Tanjong Pagar Road.

Okay fine, we both wanted to get cakes at Cake Spade (love the name), which she recommended. Since we are both dessert people...... PROPER FOOD > DESSERTS ANY TIME.

Ge: "Or should we just get cakes first then we go eat the lor mee?"

Gw: "Omg best idea ever. Let's go!"

Yup, because having your dessert after your main meal is way too mainstream.

And so began our little cafe hunt.

There were so many Korean BBQ restaurants around, I swear!

It's like down the whole stretch all we encountered were pub, pub, Korean BBQ, pub, cafe, Korean BBQ, Korean norebang (karaoke), Korean BBQ, drunk Korean people, Asian dessert cafe, more drunk Korean people, pub, Korean pub, pub, pub, Korean BBQ.

And. There. Were. MORE.

We were so tempted to have Korean food instead of trying to find a nice cosy cafe to have our dinner at!

I was sweaty by the time we got to Cake Spade cuz we walked up and down Tanjong Pagar Road AND the Duxton Area. Thank goodness we got seats inside!

What we had: 

Dark chocolate banana cake, Cupcake of the Day (Chocolate Peanut Butter) and strawberry tofu cheesecake.

The drink we ordered, as recommended by the guy working there! 

(Thanks for being so nice! Made us feel totally comfortable dining there)

Look at her happily opening it..

We kinda judged the drink because it had ginseng in it, and I – accidentally – proclaimed out loud "OMG EW NO IT HAS GINGER!" when the dude overheard us talking about which drink seemed nicer.

Thoughts, stay in my head will you????

All the drinks were stored in really pretty bottles omg it was like prettybottlegasm.

Felt so good chilling with her talking about everything – especially dance stuff because that's what dancers do best at any gathering with dancers – and reminiscing the past. All the things we did as Year 1 dancers with our ABCDEFG clique.. boy do I miss them big time! Especially my bros, like Zhicong :(

More than half of ABCD left SDZ, sigh. But then again it's a good thing cuz through that my batch wasn't two seperate cliques anymore as we started to mingle with the others that weren't in ABCD.

I'm so out of touch with anything dance and anything SDZ, and it kinda sucks.

And we were done!

(Don't worry, even though we couldn't finish the cupcake, I polished off the Kit Kat at least. THEN I entered a chocolate coma. It's been a while since I had too much chocolate really. I mean, how does one have too much chocolate? *inserts impossibru face*)

Lesson learnt: If you're getting a slice of dark chocolate cake, forgo the chocolate + PB cupcake.

..actually I always forget this lesson once I get desserts again. Who's up for a scoop of dark chocolate ice-cream paired with a scoop of hazelnut chocolate ice-cream?!!!

She then brought me to have some lor mee at one of her favourite places whichnameIdidnotnotedown.

Oh don't worry about me and the fact that my stomach was totally bursting (I thought I was pregnant for a good 10 minutes). Another huge bowl of lor mee totally wouldn't hurt.

Before we ordered, she asked, "Have you ever had white lor mee?"

.....white lor mee?

"Nope I've only ever had black ones."

I prefer them black, you see. *raises eyebrows* Hurhur.

She wasn't kidding when she said it was the best lor mee cuz it was so good! Major plus points cuz it had loads of veggies and seafood, both my ultimate favourites!

Need to go back again hehe it was really, REALLY good. And when I rave about a certain foodstuff you know it's good since I seldom do.

We also ordered a plate of fried sotong with salted egg.

Was initially against the idea cuz the first time I had something with salted egg, it was SO BAD and it totally weaned me off anything salted egg. Thank goodness we tried this though!

We couldn't finish everything, sadly, and she packed back half the plate of sotong.

She got me these from BKK! Yay thank you babe!

Before Geisel passed me these at Cake Spade, she asked me what my horoscope was. When she got my answer ("Eh? I'm an Aries. Why leh?"), she whipped these out of her bag and gave me this expression that said PHEW!, which was quite funny. Then I understood why she was so relieved after I opened the bag.

Wore my new Aries bracelet immediately hehe. I'm a proud Aries.

So yes, new armcandy and a small pack of chocolates, because you do not gift Gwen something unless it includes chocolate. I didn't set this rule but somehow everyone who ever got me proper gifts seem to presume/understand that? My boyfriend even! 

Then again I suppose it's not that hard to figure what my absolute favourite foodstuff in the world is.

Discussed Waves 18 auditions and her and decided that no matter how reluctant I was about it, I know I would regret it big time when I sit there watching everyone during vettings and trainings.

So yeah, guess I'll be a part of Waves 18, but maybe not the bboy items due to the fact that my knees are super weak now, doubt they could take 2 months of bboy AND hip hop training.

Hope I score a girls' hip hop item this year. My favourite genre and I only did that for one item as a Year 1 during Waves 16 :(

If you can't bake them, shoot them

So I took my baby Cammie (my DSLR) out to play recently cuz I bought macarons from Canelé, my favourite place! Also where my bestfriends brought me for my birthday treat.

I love the macarons there! It's where I bought my first macaron from with Geisel hehe.

I need to stop my macaron craze!!!!!

Their packaging changed a lil. Now the macarons come encased in this plastic holder. Guess it's to prevent the macarons from knocking into each other when the customer carries the box around?

Haven't actual sat down to scrutinize photos and edit them using Photoshop.. felt kinda good to be doing that again cuz that's how I spent most of my free time during my gap year.

So I've also been sick for the longest time and it's annoying me to no end!

Had to skip my Nepal OCIP trip meeting today because I felt so horrible, especially after having a bit of my breakfast. Sigh me no likey because I haven't really stopped coughing since the haze period? It got better for a bit, but it's a lot worse now.

Doesn't help that I hate taking meds and never take them on time (or at all) just because. My mom sometimes has to force feed me my meds and I can sense how annoyed she is whenever she has to do that hehe.

Knees have been really bad too, hurts to lie in bed even because my knees ache and burn so badly that I try to find a position to lie in that doesn't hurt them.

Wish I could replace my knees with a snap of my fingers. :'(

I've decided that I'll go back for physiotherapy after I'm done with my internships! Wouldn't wanna attend uni (if possible) with knees like that, would be restricted from doing so much, especially dance! For now I'll just stick with achy knees and treatments at those TCM places.

My schedule for this week and the next is gonna kill me: Intensive Nepal trip meetings everyday before the 7th, and yours truly has to plan team bonding activities for us to do.

For some reason I'm always doing team bonding! For camps, for orientations.. I think I'm getting really good at planning them.

Looking forward to my 15 days in Nepal!

Ending off with a photo of a really demure-looking me headed for #DMCraya a few days back. Too many photos to save and edit here and there, so I guess I'll post them up some other time.

Bye!

Random Quiz Feels

Hi, it's 3:47AM and I have to get up for work in 5 hours time cuz I'm meeting Mel to go look at shoes before we start our shift at 12PM.

So here I am, listening to some songs while doing my FYP reflections due Friday (noooo, Ms Laura's gonna collect our Agency access cards too sigh. 10018, I'll miss you) and I noticed that people were doing this '20 facts' thing on Instagram.

I searched for "quiz" on my blog's posts search bar and decided to do a random quiz to compare my then and now since well, I am bored.

Got this quiz from this post dated back to November 10, 2006.

It's been 7 years.. I wonder how much my answers would differ.

Okay here goes!


full name: Gwendolyn Neo Yuan Qi
nicknames: Gwen, Gee, Geebee, Gwean, Gwendy, Gwennie, Gwendolean, Gwendonai, Mama, Mom, Gwen Stefani, Gwenno, Gwendo, Gwen Gwen, Ah Neo.. I have a whole list from my poly friends but I can't seem to recall them now.
gender: Female
age: 20
b-day: 8th April
star sign: Aries
place of birth: Thomson Medical Hospital, Singapore
height: 165CM (last measured)
eye color: Dark brown
hair color: Dark brown with awful dark roots
skin color: Tanned
any piercings: One on each ear
where: Refer to answer above
do you want more: Nope, I'm good.
do you wear glasses: Only when I need to
do you have braces: Was supposed to get them in sec 4, still am contemplating this.
what color are your nails: Haven't painted them in months. They b bare.

mom's name: June
dad's name: Hock Choon
any brothers or sisters: One younger brother
how old: 16
who do you live with: Family
are your parents married: Yup
do you have any pets: Fishes and hamsters all passed on
where do you live: Singapore

what school do you go to: Singapore Polytechnic
what grade: Year 3, graduating in a semester
favourite subject: English and Literature
favourite teacher: Ms Esther and Ms Pam Fang
worst subject: Math and Econs
is your school public or private: Public
would you ever go to a private school: No?
do you like football: Love watching and playing. Arsenal baby!
do you like baseball: Still no
do you like basketball: How did I say yes in the past, no I dislike it
do you like dance: Too much for my own good. Get Down! Vol. 6 is coming up in Sept, definitely competing again. Here's to hoping I can get past Top 16 this time :)
do you like badminton: Still do
do you like volleyball: Still do!
do you like golf: Still don't
do you have a boyfriend: Yeah, am happily attached :)
if so, name: Russell
how old is he: My age
are you single: This makes no sense since the answer's above
are you straight/gay/bi: Straight

what is your ideal hair color for a boyfriend/girlfriend: Black/brown
eye color: Black/brown
skin color: Tanned I suppose?
height: Taller than me! (It just occured to me that I've been subconciously describing my boyfriend over the past few questions HAHAHA)
personality: Plain awesome
style: Whatever goes
does size matter: Still kinda does
are you happy: Yeah but I have my moments
sad: Like I said, moments.
funny: Typical class clown. I lean more to the lame side of life now hurhur
boring: I noticed it's becoming more so as I age, oh dear.
popular: My boyfriend claims I am but nah
happy-go-lucky: Let bygones be bygones
serious: Only when need be
chilled: Super
stressed: Not at the moment but I stress pretty easily
smart: Dumb asian
dumb: Answer above
shy: Initially, but after I warm up to others I'm just.... plain crazy
outgoing: Super
loud: Sadly, yes sigh I need to tone down
quiet: More so. Comes packaged with aging I suppose
annoying: Sorry everyone
nice: Subjective, but I try to be to everyone
kind: Yeah
friendly: Suppose so
nasty: Subjective once again
evil: No
fashionable: After 2 years of dressing up and wearing makeup to school? I'm sorry but I'd like to spend most of my final year in my Vans, shorts and a basic/comfortable but stylish top.
pretty: No
ugly: Yes
have you ever smoked: Nope
have you ever done drugs?: Nope I may be a dumb Asian but drugs are still stupid
have you ever drank alcohol?: Too much too often heheh
have you ever had sex?: Nope
have you ever been abroad?: Yup and yearning a getaway right now.
do you have any scars?: Loaded with them. My body is a battlefield
have you ever killed someone?: Oh wow this question's terribly intellectual
have you ever kicked someone in the nuts: Think I accidentally kneed someone's nuts before
have you ever been arrested?: Nope
have you ever got in a fight?: Technically yes. Almost punched the person and vice versa but my teammates stopped us
have you ever stolen something?: Nope
have you ever given birth?: Nope
have you ever been fired?: Nope, too awesome an employee to be fired.
have you ever passed out?: Yeah and it felt horrible
have you ever peed in your pants?: As a kid
if so, why?: Kids can't control their urges to wee

Gwen Bakes: (Failed) Macarons

So I wrote a blog post about how I had this bucket list to clear.

It has been a while since I last sat down and wrote a proper blog post with proper photos from my baby Cammie (my beloved Sony DSLR which I am contemplating selling so that I can upgrade – more on that another time), and I decided that why not start my old blogging habit again by documenting my baking adventures?

(Don't expect high quality photos though, I'm still just getting into the mood of using Cammie again + photo editing.)

I've always had a strong interest in baking, and I seldom admit this but one of my dreams is also to open a bakery or a cafe that people would love sitting in all day.

Dad and I have even had long, serious discussions about this due to my mom being so awesome in cooking. We thought we could work something out in future due to how Singaporeans are taking a huge liking to the cafes springing up around here.

Today I (unsuccessfully) cleared the one on the top of my list: The macaron *cue dramatic background music*

Dun dun dunnnn!

I doubt anyone remembers, but I've ever mentioned how macarons are my absolute favourite things on Earth. They make me so happy!

Albeit it was a failure (photo at the end of the post, I'm keeping y'all in suspense. DON'T SCROLL DOWN TO SPOIL YOURSELF! I'm not using reverse psychology here and oh the recipe link's below too), I figured it could be considered a success if you change the recipe title to something like....... 'Meringue Cookies' or something?

I kid you not; this motherbitch is extremely testing on your patience so be warned if you ever feel ambitious (or bored) enough to try baking something that shops in town are selling at $2.50-$5 per piece!??

With countertop cleared and my army of baking utensils at the ready!

Sifting the icing sugar + almond meal + cocoa powder + salt took up bulk of the time, which surprised me a lil' cuz I expected myself to spend more time whipping the egg whites into a meringue instead.

In the end half my almond meal was left behind due to it being too big to sift through! Madness. Almond meal isn't cheap in Singapore either, so oh well.

My mom took the first failure so well.

"Aiyah nevermind la, your first time also what. Nevermind lor."

Do not overwhip the egg whites, and always ensure that you allow your egg whites are at room temperature, which is an essential for those stiff peaks.

I have no idea how long I did this for, but I normally follow my gut feeling when it comes to whipping egg whites.

My gut feeling was SO WRONG when it came to the folding in of the dry mixture into the egg whites though.

This was where it all went terribly downhill (and I expected it due to all the research I've done before baking this badass).

I over mixed the batter, and I mistook 'slow running lava' as runny.

No idea how that happened.. it just did!

Was so frustrated that I was this close to throwing out my ruined batter. THIS CLOSE. Then I felt bad because that would be about 3 cups of icing sugar I'd be pouring down the drain – and did I mention how expensive almond meal is?

Even piping them was tough due to the batter being soooooooooo runny.

Decided that YOLO! "Just whack only! Fail already what."

(Whoopsie, photograph from my Instagram)

The counter was a total mess.. as was I.

The final product?:

ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS – but deliciously, sickly sweet – COOKIES MUAHAHAH

The batter made so much though – not just the ones you see in the picture!

Due to the over mixed and terribly runny batter, they wouldn't rise upwards no matter how long I made them sit out (essential for your macarons to rise UP and not OUT).

And if you were wondering, duh they didn't grow 'feet' either. Not like I expected them to, the failed batter was sign #1 that the feet weren't gonna happen, not today.

They do, however, taste really good!

Not something I would consume a lot of at one go though, the amount of sugar plus the fact that my stomach hasn't been too good to me due to my eating habits the past few months. But hey I'm back to trying my best at eating clean and working out daily!

These should be called meringue cookies instead HAHAHA. What a way to cover up my fail!

I'm gonna have another go at baking them really soon, when I'm not as tired or in a rush to get them done. These babies are pricey for a reason, and they are prolly the world's toughest cookie to bake! The mixing etc. alone took me almost 2 hours due to the sifting.

Oh well, shall stuff these in my brother's mouth for the time being. And my boyfriend's, that is, if they last till I see him but urgh these are the equivalent to diabetes in TWO BITES, which is why I'm pretty sure my brother would enjoy them.

Okay fine, diabetes in four bites.

(I had more than 10 bites for sure)

(Shit.)

You can get the recipe here @ CHOW. 

I normally tweak recipes especially if I've baked them a couple of times but since this is my first time trying this recipe I've yet to change it. The measurements aren't in metric form too so it's best to Google for a metric conversion chart – take note the different measurements for different kinds of things!

Spontaneous Fat Boys + Spontaneous Friday

So I've decided that it's time to return to the sea!

(By wakeboarding again, duh.)

It's amazing what you find yourself doing when you've too much time. It suddenly hit me that I desperately wanted to do any watersport again (that allows you to gauge my level of desperation) and I found myself texting Joshua Fong about renting a boat.

$130/hr's totally expensive, and sadly that's the norm, so we're considering returning to SPWB (SP Wakeboarding). Both of us are Year 3s though, and we've not gone back for trainings since a month or two after camp. It'll be a bit thick-skinned if we do, huh?


Anywho, I love spontaneous plans.

The past two days have been nothing but.

A spontaneous plan on Thursday saw me at Fat Boys with Mel for dinner.

I don't like beer, but I love Hoegaarden.

I ordered a pint, and it's a pity I always can't finish my beer because my stomach isn't the exact definition of strong. By the time I was halfway through, my stomach started to hurt because it got so bloated from both dinner + beer.

It felt really good to catch up with Mel!

Ever since I got busy with dance and FYP, I couldn't really dig out the time to meet her. The last time I saw her was during Chinese New Year? When I came out of the lift at my side of the block (we stay at the same block), we stared at each other and laughed at the realisation that we've not seen each other for a good 7 months or so.


A spontaneous plan on Friday saw me and my girlies rushing around the City Hall area in search of the all-amazing llaollao.

llaollao is this amazing froyo shop and their froyo looks like this:

Hehe it looks so good I wish I could have some nowwww!

I absolutely love froyo. If I had a choice to eat froyo or a proper meal, I'd pick froyo FO' SHO.

By the time we found it – the one and only llaollao outlet in Singapore – at Marina Square, it was almost 8 and we had to rush cos I was meeting Russell for dinner. Sica and I both bought brownies for our busy army boyfriends (hehe thoughtfulgirlfriends93&94) and she had to head home to put her crowbar stuff down before meeting Zuofeng for supper.

I won't deny – it's really good. Steffi has been bringing and recommending people to go to llaollao and it just so happened that we had a 1-for-1 coupon, so 2 huge cups cost us $5.60 which is MAD CHEAP. Treat from Steffi though! Must find the time to return her the treat.

We still found it hard to finish everything even though the three of us were sharing two cups. I ended up too full for dinner (I ate anyways).

Went for a jog with him and a friend after. (Actually it was me who shamelessly requested to tag along hehe. See, another spontaneous thing that occurred today!)

My knees are feeling the aftermath of the jog though. The burn and ache feels horrible now, but I'm used to it. It happened the last time I promised myself that it'd be 'just a jog' too because I ended up running and doing sprint/jog intervals.

I can't help it! I love running, ESPECIALLY sprinting. My dad always told me as he watched me win my inter-house events, "You take after daddy ah! Winning all the sprinting events.. I always did the short-distance ones too and always won them. 100m, 200m.. oh baton relays like yours also. You're really taking after me!"

It starts with me telling myself, "Oh since I'm already here why not just run for a bit?" which usually sees me running the whole distance.

The first time that happened I limped home and walked funny because my knees were crazy weak. My physiotherapist could only shake his head when I complained of my *cough* ordeal.

I REGRET NOTHING.

I absolutely abhor the fact that I have knees like that.

I didn't ask for it, and it's denying me of the things I've always loved doing.

Oh, to completely digress and to end this post off (because it's 5:20AM and my brain can't seem to link my thoughts properly)..........

......I found this picture on Twitter.

I am sick of allowing people's thoughts about my body control me, my eating habits and my mood.

Need more motivation. I can do this!

Terribly thankful for the people around me who make me feel so much better.

Guess that's especially applicable for my boyfriend cuz he's just the sweetest person ever, always saying nice stuff about me and how I look regardless of how I put myself down. He has no idea (yah after reading this he most certainly will) but he always makes my day really.

The past 2 months have been nothing but amazing.

So yes, thank you for being such an awesome possum person :)


p.s. I'm sorry again this is random the gamer girl in me is totally showing right about now but THE NEW TRAILER FOR WoW'S LATEST MISTS OF PANDARIA PATCH: SIEGE OF ORGRIMMAR IS OUT AND IT LOOKS LIKE MAJOR AWESOMESAUCE I MEAN LOOK IT'S SO AWESOME I'M TYPING IN CAPS AND I USED THE WORD 'AWESOMESAUCE' OMG OK BYE

For anyone who plays WoW (and loves it):


I was never about the Horde, though I do understand it's best to play both sides to understand the full story behind the Alliance-Horde War.

FOR THE ALLIANCE!

∞

Recently I saw someone wear the infinity ring in school, and for some reason it suddenly popped back on my mind just as I fell asleep.

So.. I have a 10-5 shift at work tomorrow and I decided that I HAD to Google it.

Pretty stupid decision..

..as I am going out of my mind at the moment!

They are SOOOO pretty.

If you can't already tell from *ahem* parts of my blog here and there *titleAHEMtitleCOUGH*, I kinda have this thing for the infinity symbol, or the – cue the atas-ness – lemniscate. (Thank you to my boyfriend for always educating me on random stuff. He is awesome like that.)

The #1 reason I thought of to justify why I have a thing for the infinity symbol:

It resembles the number 8, my absolute favourite number in the whole wide world, hands down.

Or up.

Even one of my favourite Ellie Goulding songs has the number 8 in the title.


But yes, I think I need to stop scrolling down the Google Image search result because it's driving me absolutely bonkers.

(See, I remember how in a blog post a while back, I talked about how I used words that no one else in Singapore would even come close to using.. like 'bonkers'.)

So it's the beginning of my holidays, and well it may only be day 3 since the end of my Final Year Project/Presentation (or FYP for short, as we call it), but I've been bored out of my wits.

I think I'm just too used to spending all my time awake feeling stressed out and rushing work. To suddenly be this free is just.. mental. There's too much time.

I suppose with all the free time I can finally get on with my ambitious bucket list titled 'Bucket List: Baking Edition'.

This time has been on my mind since forever (nah, just since I got busy – I exaggerate) and whoa now I can finally take time off to bake my macarons (NOTE: NOT macaroons), cakes and even venture into the cooking world or the simplest parts of the region.

Cooking's still pretty much what I consider foreign territory, especially to a MasterNoob like yours truly. But who's to say I won't be able to pick it up during the two-month break?

Or one and a half, actually, since I'll be spending half of September conquering Nepal.

But yes, the two favourite men in my life – it'll be three if I include Dad! Don't worry daddumz – can be my tasters for now. Cue evil laughter in background...... for I don't have to finish everything I bake by myself (as I always do).

Oh well, I shall dream of the (possible) culinary adventures that I could have within the next month and a half, supposing if I don't decide to go all out and spend everyday at my part-time job.

The Big Groove 2013

Short blog entry/reflection to sum up my TBG 2013 experience before I go to bed:

Mind. Blown.

It's amazing how a concert like this would change and inspire the many dancers who attended it.

(I was about to describe TBG as "one small concert" but then it occured to me how TBG is NOT small at all.)

Someone tweeted about how TBG is like National Day – all the dancers look forward to it plus it's a must watch for us.

It's true I suppose. We have guest performers from all over the world and they rehearse so hard just for one night like that that unites dancers everywhere. I look forward to every year's TBG more than I do NDP.. damn.

My mindset for dance hasn't been quite right this year.

I was always tempted to leave just because.

Just because I felt like I didn't belong.
Just because I felt lonely in a room full of people.
Just because I felt like my passion was dying.
Just because I felt like my passion was suffocating me.
Just because I felt more miserable trying to get my passion back than anything else.

Then it hit me: stop being such a brat.

"Be more appreciative, Gwen!" I told myself. And now I see myself feeling it all over again, the hunger, the urge, the need to dance and perform, and the need to improve myself to become the music, and not just dance to it.

It's funny how I concluded all this after a few hours in a Suntec convention area, with crazy-ass vibes from everyone in there. The excitement, the chills, everyone's passion for dance oozing to every crack in the wall, every corner in the hall.

The atmosphere.

I LOVED it, and I absolutely missed it.

Strictly Dance Zone is my 2nd-2nd family (the MFSS sailors would always be my 1st-2nd family), and I'm terribly grateful for the chances I've gotten throughout the past 3 years I've been in the club and the people I've met along the way.

It was one hell of a bumpy ride, and as much as I hated it from time to time, I found that I have so much more to be thankful for.


Then I realised that I didn't fall out of love with dance per say..

I got bitch-slapped by reality, that is all.

I need to remember how it felt to dream.. to dream big.

Sunshine

(Told you I would get my blogging bug back in Space Media Practicum due to boredom. A few of us even started blasting and watching the NDP 2013 MV in class.)

Feels good to be back in school for class after not having classes since last Monday.

Well, "class". Since we're just sitting here and freezing in the classroom.

Life as a Year 3 student goes like this: FYP, FYP, practicum module, FYP, FYP, FYP, FYP FYPORTiEUFEIUFWA. Used to love the fact that I only have classes from 8-11 on the days I had school, but no, I kinda wish I was Year 2 again, rushing projects, presentations and reports with all the clashing deadlines.

Used to hate that, but right now when you've got so much time, it's honestly all you miss.

Oh, remember the 2nd fire that broke out in Singapore Poly within a week?

Was walking to MPH on Saturday for training, and this was what I saw.

Heard one of the makciks from the fried rice Muslim stall got sent to the hospital. All the vendors at FC3 are really nice people, hope they're all okay.

Anywho.

Finally got my iPhone 4's screen fixed today with Jack.

A whopping $75 and an hour later I left the shop with my baby back in my arms :')

Didn't get to buy my Canelé macarons since we were in a rush, which I felt really bummed out about cuz I was happily spazzing in my head about getting them after fixing our phones. It's alright, there's always next time!

Macarons seriously make me happy like nothing else on Earth heehee my happy pills!

Heehee I've been feeling so happy and so much better recently.

Done quite a bit of thinking and reflecting and gave serious thought of how miserable I have been the past few months.

I just thought and made the worst of every situation. It made me such a bitter person, and I snapped pretty easily and was highly irritable.

Decided that it was time for a change, especially since Geisel spoke to me and she told me only I can change how I see things, and being optimistic would make my life a lot less sad.

So I stopped expecting, stopped being mean and snappish.. and the moment something negative about myself/a person/a situation popped up in my head I told myself to shut it and find the good in everything and everyone instead. (Unless it's for the people I really abhor.)

Definitely works for me because I feel so much better now! My smile definitely comes from the heart too, it's not just me smiling for the sake of putting on a façade.

On a random note, my GPA this year's still 4.0 though, which is amazing and I've never felt more blessed and thankful. Although my combined GPA would still be shit, I hope the 4.0 would pull it up slightly even.

"Why suddenly so nervous about your GPA! Year 1 you also don't care, no A at all you also never say anything???"

Weeeeeell.............. I've been putting more thought into how I should attend university because I realised that I do enjoy studying.

I honestly regret placing studies as my priority only now when it's too late.

Then again I'm a strong believer in miracles happening to those who help themselves and those who hope for the best, so yeap! Hopefully something good comes out of this at the end of it all. Shall make the best out of every situation :)

I'm just really happy about the fact that I'm finally gonna see Russell after work later!!!! Another what, 21hours more to go?

It's been 2 long weeks since I last saw him, gah! So yes, I am of course entitled to feel happy and excited that I'm able to see him. :)

Alrighty mighty! Should turn in now, it's gonna be a long day tomorrow, what with me going to school (FINAL SUBMISSION FOR SPACE MEDIA PRACTICUM OMG SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME POMPOMS AND CONFETTI TO CELEBRATE THANKS), then heading down to Glenn's school near my place (emphasizing this cuz if I didn't need to travel to school I could just head straight down and be there after a 10-minute bus ride), then another bus ride down to Novena to work then back home to meet ze boyfriend hehe.

Ciao!

Doing work and listening to this song isn't working at all.

For one, I wanna choreo to this song as a part of the performance we're doing at Chan's aunt's event, so all I'm doing is up-bouncing in my chair like nobody's business CUZ I BE FEELIN' IT.

You gotta admit, the beat's pretty sick and Dea & Kevin are KILLIN' IT.

Two, it's giving me a headache.

The whole mix by DJ Kontrol's 9mins long.

Haven't been feeling well at all today.. eyes burning, throbbing headache and burning + dry throat.

Felt so sick I did what I usually do on days I feel shitty: down as many 1.5l bottles of water as possible. So far I've downed about 3 bottles plus a 600ml one so yeah. On to my 4th 1.5l bottle.

Anywho.

Monday's vetting went pretty well!

Instead of calling ourselves "Year 3s", we finally settled on Little Rascals Crew as our crew name. WHADDUP LRC! *enthusiastically does crew hand sign*

Glad to announce that MPH still felt like home despite it being overly crowded since vetting was for all 3 genres that day. I can confidently say we had over 50 people crammed there on Monday.. felt just like we were doing vetting for Waves :')

Hopefully we'd figure out everything because the event's (InS'ync) on 3rd August, and O Crew's coming down to judge.. like whoa much. To be doing a friendly showcase competition with TPDE's just crazy. Thankful for the experience but also a bit freaked out by it because TPDE has major props and respect from me.

While debriefing, AnAn was like, "How about next Monday we do a combined vetting here with TPDE?" You could see everyone's faces turn from :D to D: in a split second.

Also helped my babies with their babies.

Now before you get me wrong, my babies are the girls from my item for last year's junior showcase.

When I went to join them, Cherie said, "Oh this is Gwen btw. She's the choreographer of last year's girls' hip hop item for junior showcase so it's like.. this is her legacy la haha. Elena and I are her daughters so ya she's your grandma."

I have more grandkids now!

Could see how some of their girls really valued the comments from my batchmates and I (we're kaypoh like that) and some of the alumni, which warms my heart cuz I've heard – and seen – a lot of negative stuff from the new batch from camp alone.

It's crazy cuz we have so much to do in a week and LRC has yet to even settle on the costume. Someone, shoot us please thanks.

Met Joey last Friday for a much needed day out. We went grocery shopping at AMK Hub and she spent so much buying stuff to cook for her JC friends.

She keeps me sane, I swear. She never fails to talk sense into me and I always eventually just calm down while she talks to me. Thank you :* I love you to the moon and back Joey TJY <3 p="">

The past few weeks have been crazy, but I'm glad to say that on an emotional level, I'm a lot better and a lot happier, but I'm drained physically due to the lack of sleep and stress levels increasing.

Would any kind soul out there like to donate a box of macarons to the Gwen Foundation?

Glad we're submitting our final CA for Space Media practicum this Friday. 

I'm on my way to freedom!

Sleepless Nights..

..are made of these:

1) An insect (which you presumed was a cockroach) scuttling across your bedroom floor just as you shut your laptop off for the day to sleep. You later find out, upon closer inspection, that the insect is NOT a cockroach, and that it can fly.

2) Endless stupid thoughts of regret flooding your mind.

I'm surprised how its already 2.23am and yet I'm wide awake....... hi Katy Perry.

These thoughts are consuming my mind and it's killing me, especially since I tend to think and reflect a lot more at the end of the day. It's ridiculous that I would suddenly regret self-sourcing for my internship just because everyone else got fun companies they look like they would learn a lot from.

And it's affecting me enough to be blogging on my iPhone. With its cracked screen.

I need to see the positive I'm this — apart from my pay which is still by far the highest when I asked around to compare.

I need to stop regretting and start thinking how the company must be good if not all right, if not I doubt my gut feeling would've been holding the Pompoms of Encouragement in the first place, waving it in my face. I wouldn't have squealed either on both occasions whereby I stopped by the office (which would be the ITP company I'm working under in a few months).

Need. To. Be. Positive!!!!

Emote

Disclaimer: It's been a long day.

I need to rant, so hi please just skip this post and come back another time. There are also a lot of "f" words used in this post so if you don't want to see the more vulgar side of me I highly recommend you just move on.

I really have no idea to feel.

First off, I don't even know you that well, you're just a close friend's jerk of a boyfriend. You decided to hound me for YOUR issues with her at 6am in the morning just to insult me over and over again?

What a pussy.

Fuck, no guy has EVER made me sit up in the wee hours of the morning crying and shaking with anger and sadness (because I do admit, words can hurt me pretty easily). Making me out to be a slut and all, scolding me, telling me to pray for my knees and telling me I throw myself at guys?????

OH PLEASE YOU'RE SUCH A JOKE.

You're a sports person too, you of all people should know how difficult it is to have an long-term knee injury?

You're such a loser and a wuss. You have no balls. Once you realise you're at the losing end you resort to insulting people and what, physical abuse? I honestly don't think you should even classify yourself as a dude cuz you're just a pussy that doesn't treat women the way they should be.

In the past you insult my best poly friend (once again for issues between you and your girlfriend that's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS) and you tried to get at me too but last time I couldn't be bothered. But this time... who the fuck are you to throw words like that at me?

If you were infront of me I would've punched your bloody ugly face and – as a bonus – thrown a kick at your non-existent balls.

I do admit that I had fun trolling you though.

Loved the fact that even though I lacked sleep and was thoroughly upset + annoyed I could still say my typical nonsense like:

"God bless your sad soul
I shall go to the mosque and pray to Allah for you
Go to the temple to pray to Buddha for you
Go to church and pray to God for you

Ya Allah~"

Thankful for my girlfriends who came to my defence, talking to me at 7am in the morning just to calm me down and reassure me that it's alright. Shermin was all, "Wtf B, WHO? THAT ASSHOLE IS IT? That fucker we spoke about in the morning?" 

I was honestly quite shocked at Cel's response when I went to her with screenshots of his chat to me, telling her how fucked up I was feeling.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Need us to set his hair on fire?"

:') you're my best friend alright.

So after the shit that happened in the morning, I went to work on 3hours of sleep.

I've warmed up to my colleagues except some of the kitchen staff, so working has been a lot more fun lately and the time actually flies.

What really bothered me was the fact that I was being called fat a lot today. 

Every other sentence my colleague would be like, "Why are you this size?" 

"You eat so little your size still like that?!" 

"You know what you should take up? Ballet. The reason why I won't tell you~" (obviously geared to the fact that it'll help me slim down.)

"You 60+kg? Where got.. look more like 70 plus sia I'm already 50+kg eh and you look waaaay bigger than me leh!"

I know he's joking and honestly, he was really, really nice to me at work and looking out for me more than half the time today, but I couldn't shake off the comments at all and in my mind all I can think of is whether I really want to eat my next meal or not?

And sadly I gave in to the thoughts in my mind.. for today.

I don't show it, but deep down inside I still struggle with trying not to view food as the enemy, and it's not easy. I still dislike taking pictures where my body can be seen and I hate looking at my body in the mirror. I just feel gross and disgusting.

Then again, there's nothing I can do.

No one knows what it's like to feel the way I do.

To feel as if you're the world's grossest person, to avoid looking at even your own reflection in the glass, to dislike the fact you see full-length mirrors in toilets..

No one.

I have even more on my mind but.. I guess this is enough ranting for one night.

I'm just really sick of crying, regardless of whatever triggers it.

Goodnight y'all!

Title?

Thank you for staying by my side even though I was a nasty mess.

You're here to stay, I get that now.

I love you, to the moon and back :)

I just want everything negative on my mind to disappear with a snap.

Just.. sigh.

It's affecting me too much and I'm showing it to the people who honestly don't deserve to see this side of me, the people who deserve the best.

You know how sometimes you randomly start crying for no reason at all? 

You're just sitting there sobbing uncontrollably and you have no idea what triggered it.

It's like a "pause" button, a little "break" you heart decided to give you because it knows you would keep it all in no matter what.

Was talking to Min last night, and we found out that both of us were doing the same crying-for-no-goddamned-reason thing. Guess this is just really overwhelming for the both of us.

You're not the only one.

Losing It

I need to stop crying.

The past few days.. it's as if all I can do is cry.

Cry myself to sleep, cry to myself when I wake up.. for various reasons but reasons nonetheless. Then the cycle repeats itself the next day, and the next, and the next.

I cannot stand being disappointed.

I cannot stand being upset.

I cannot stand I myself being sensitive.

I cannot stand being lied to.

I cannot stand being manipulated.

Best part is I have to go to school and pretend I'm totally fine, or at least I think I'm doing a good job. Then Syara Skypes me and tells me "No wonder you look like sad only today". Sigh.

Times like these I really just need to switch off and stop thinking everything I'm thinking. I wish I could just stop interacting with people, to just be on my own. To cry myself to sleep tonight instead of having to stay up cuz I suddenly have this whole shitpile of things to do.

I'm exhausted, and I am certainly losing it.

What the hell is wrong with me..

Shit

On the verge of giving up.

Maybe it's better for you that I'm not in your life.. maybe.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. no, this week's gonna be a long week.

I have this strong urge to pull out of STL, not because I can't handle it but because I really know I don't want to go back anymore. But I know if I do that's really it. I won't see myself dancing anymore, especially not in SDZ.

I can live without the people who can live without me.

Sick of myself, sick of comparing, sick of wishing and definitely sick of wanting things to work out for me.

It kinda sucks that nothing's going my way at the moment, and I'm also finding out a lot of things I guess I shouldn't have.

Glad I had a good day with Russell and my girls earlier today.

A day well spent with my loved ones was seriously all I needed, especially what with the drama that came after.

I know these are just some of the people I can count on forever in life :)

Met Russell after submitting my ITP forms and headed down to FEP to meet Joey, ZS and Eileen!

The guys got to catch up while we girls just sat around talking nonsense as Joey had her hair diiiid. Can't believe we were discussing our houses in secondary school and recalling who was in what house.

OMG I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY OLD PHOTOS TO SEE IF WE HAD A PHOTO OF US IN OUR HOUSES......

.......AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND:

Tada! Our photo from when we were still in sec 2Integrity.

Waited around for Joey to be done at the salon before accompanying Russell for lunch at Ofira hehehe. Though I didn't eat today I think I'll never get sick of the food there!

Went to Prologue with him and after a round around the place, I'm seriously considering whether or not to blow half of my June pay on books since I've been holding back for months (cuz that's how long I've been struggling with cash. Spend on things I need/would do when going out like movies and food, but don't spend on the things I can live without).

Proceeded to YCK to Joey's house after for chili crab dinner!

Hehe so full but it looks like only Cass and I are the ones really crazy about chili crab. Now I know who I can call out whenever I wanna go out for chili crab!

Oh, it was also the day I became an IJC AND NYJC student.

Just kidding of course!

Shirt from Shanai's orientation thing in IJC, and NYJC shorts from Joey which I borrowed cuz I refused to play Dance Central 3 in a skirt and a tank top + denim jacket.

Anyways welcome back to Singapore for now Joey Tan!

So glad you're back (even though it's for a month) really. Missed you like crazy when you were in Aussie and I'm pretty glad we can both Skype with each other cuz it'll be another 4 years till you're back for good!

Love you to the moon and back!

Oh well time to get some sleep cuz I have to get up at 10am tomorrow. Can't wait till this week is done and over with because then I'll have freedom for a while.

I'm gonna spend the whole day drawing and editing away sigh dear MacBook please behave tomorrow cuz I'm bound to have a lot to do! Hang in there, my love!!!!

What I should keep in mind:

Thank you, Patrick.

Can't wait till Saturday cuz that's when I'll see him again.


In the meantime, I really need someone to talk to.

Honestly on the verge of breaking down.