Goodbyes

G'evening folks.

With so much on my mind right now, I find it particularly hard to sleep tonight.

For one, my dad's leaving on a morning flight in 7 hours to Brunei to work. He'll only be back for good in 2-4 years.. depending on his contract.

Even though I've mentally prepared myself since months ago when he announced that he was gonna go for the job interview, it still hits hard especially when I'm a few hours away from saying things like "See you when I see you!", which I sometimes say when sending off friends who are taking on the next chapter of life overseas – something I'd like to do.

The good news is that he'll prolly come home more often in the first year, so the next time I see him will be in June/July.

I've come to realise that I'll miss him a lot, even though I don't – and won't – ever show it. I'm not a daddy's girl (even if Becca claims that she thinks I secretly am), but my dad still holds a special spot in my heart despite how harsh or unfatherly (before you go oh Gwen you're a horrible daughter to say your father is.. unfatherly! etc., no I don't mean it that way. Dude c'mon I love my family) I sometimes claim he is.

For the most part, I'm worried about how his absence would affect my mom and lil' bro. Gerald's going through his "O" Level year, and my mom's stressed like cray over it because.. well.. my mom stresses over everything. She wouldn't be Mrs Neo if she didn't.

I think I'd cope pretty well.

Also, one of my closest friends Shirei.. the FIRST EVER person I spoke to in Mayflower Sec would be leaving this coming Monday.

Sometimes life amazes you in little ways such as this. I never expected myself to end up being close friends with Shirei even though we were classmates in sec 1 and 2, and suddenly she's leaving too with a slight probability of not coming back ever.

While the people I expected to be godmothers/fathers of my future kids (who will be cute with chubby, rosy cheeks and obvious dimples that don't locate themselves where people don't see them unlike mine) are people who I don't talk to now. It's sad, really. Sometimes I can't help but think of them and miss them........................

..OK I'm sorry I digressed.

Two people to say bye to in two days.

Just gonna pray for their safety and to hope to achieve some sort of bravery so that one day I would be the one people are sending off because I was ballsy enough to do what I wanted to do and what I set out to achieve overseas, not in Singapore.

Whatever. Right now I feel like going for a drink at Clarke Quay or something.

3 hours left before I need to get my ass up to the airport.. I REALLY need to catch up on my sleep.

p.s. I dug out the beanie I bought at Genting!

For those who don't know – I love wearing beanies because I believe it's the only headgear I don't look stupid or silly in, and I always buy them when I see nice ones but how am I supposed to wear them in Singapore's weather without dying of heat ugh bye!

Hm..

So here I am.

I can't believe that I've decided to stay awake the night before my Law exam to mug because I have 3 topics left to cover.

I have been sick the past couple of days and it really affected my ability to study. I couldn't focus, couldn't remember things, always felt sleepy cuz of my medication.. kept coughing till my head hurt and throat went raw. Took 2 days just to cover one chapter. Worst. Feeling. EVER.

Shinhwa's here to accompany me for the night..

Yeah don't bother asking. I am craaaazy over Shinhwa now and the last time I fangirled over any Kpop group was back in 2009?

But Shinhwa's legit. 30+ year olds who are pretty hot.. reminds me of my other 30+ year olds in Japan – Arashi. Meeheeheeeeeee.

There, it's the little things like these make me happy(er).

Had a good night drinking at Clarke Quay despite my cough.

Dad was all, "Eh you're coughing ah. No alcohol!"
Me: "Yes daddy.."

And I ended up drinking anyways thanks to people who don't care if they get a cough from me. Pfft horrible.

Was supposed to head to Zirca cuz it was the last night but in the end I heard the crowd was crazy and people who went in couldn't even get around the place properly. Plus a fight broke out involving ambulances and a police raid so yeah.. happy last night Zirca! *sarcasm intended*

Yeah.. guess I had a good night with the girlies and the guys.

Can't wait to be done with Media Law tomorrow and I can finally partaye.. by eating good food with my girlies tomorrow.

Even the Shinhwa song I'm listening to now (Run) goes "OH EH OH, LET'S PARTY!"

I refuse to tell myself that next year I prolly won't ever get to work with them for project work or even see them in class often due to our practicums.. we all put different choices and all I can say is that I'll really miss them. They make me look forward to school, put a smile on my face.. everything. I may have officially known them well since last year since we were all working in different groups in Year 1, but I've never felt more blessed in my life to have a group of 3 girls like them.

Thank you for coming into my life, my girls (well we have no boys in our group and is the only all-girl group in our class heh) of The Legency :')


One last note.

I'm really thankful things got cleared up, all my doubts and all – gone.

We had a good breakfast too and for once it felt a bit more like the old times.. times that I've really missed thanks to my stupidity and awfully bitter perspective to life.

It's been 2 years, but I still am trying to change.

Then again, it's better to try no matter what than to stop trying at all.

And I promise you and myself that I won't lose my passion for dance. I won't give it up for friends, for anything. It's what I love to do, I don't do it cuz I have to do it but cuz I love it.. it's a part of me. So yeah.

During my study break I was dancing and all, trying to recall Khai and Val's Waves 16 item (which till now is still my favourite item out of all the Waves items I've been in). And I watched dance videos again to realise that I still get excited over dance. Like that adrenaline rush.

I need to have a little more faith in myself.

Scumbags of Society

I really hate being in such a situation.

How do you help someone when he has suicidal thoughts and feels he's depressed? Just because he's being bullied in school by bastards who really do not deserve to have friends even.

People who outcast him because they feel he's different or not worthy of their time?

They then proceed to go about spreading rumours of him and as a result effectively getting everyone to outcast him in school and in his CCA? That's bloody f*cked up.

Such people are effed up and not needed in society. Honestly, how would they feel if someone did the exact same thing to them? Put your bloody selves in the shoes of others before you do the shit you do because seriously it would hurt if someone did the same thing to you, wouldn't it?

So why would you do it to others if it does not benefit them?

What's so good about ganging up on one defenseless person who has no one to fight for him? Does it make you feel better bitching about him behind his back? Or does it make you feel better that you're bullying him in the open and making him seem like an asshole when he really isn't?

I'm taking advantage of the fact that (I hope) people don't read my blog now so yeah. Just need a venting outlet because this matter is driving me crazy. I can't seem to stop crying when I think of the situation he's in because I've been through that and honestly no one deserves to be treated like that, especially during his "O" Level period.

It breaks my heart, really.

You're only 16, you can get through this. I'm sure you will. Chin up!

I need my parents around so much more. I cannot handle this on my own. They're telling me, "You've been through it. How you overcame it.. just share it with him?"

Bullshit. Different people handle different things differently.

Is a game really more important than spending time with your children who are both going through a really hard time? You're absent all the time.. expecting us to be independent and to fend for ourselves.

What if we don't want to grow up? What if home is the only place we come back to just so that we can escape the reality of life, because we feel protected in the one place we can be ourselves in? Yet you aren't there to be there for us..

:(

Sigh.. okay enough of all the depressing things.

As mentioned in the previous post, everyone should go watch Shinhwa Broadcast - or Shinbang, after combining Shinhwa + bangsong (the Korean title of the variety show) together.

I started listening to their songs today on YouTube and was hooked. I haven't listened to K-Pop ever since my cray cray fangirling days of 2PM.. but that's all behind me now.

It's just Shinhwa. C'mon, they've been together for about 14 years or so? and are still going strong. They all served their equivalent of National Service (for us Singaporeans), got released and set up their own company called Shinhwa Company.

You gotta give them credits for that.

I went 'thrifting' with Steffi after our final presentation as a class, and we went to Cash Converters in search of a 'new' second-hand Wii game for me..

Only to get lost in the VCD/DVD section of the store, digging for lost treasures.

I found 《西街少年》– the whole boxset – going at $3, and we went crazy when we saw JunJin's face on a DVD cover for Let's Go to the Beach.

We never thought we'd find anything Shinhwa at such a store because all they sold were old but more popular shows there. And Shinhwa is pretty much unknown to the average Singaporean.

We thought wrong.

As we were glancing through more dramas, reminiscing about how we used to watch this show or that as a kid, we saw Eric's face at the side of a DVD boxset.



OH. MAI. GAD.

Okay enough about that.. just go listen to one of their older songs from their 9th album.

Reflecting

Been a while since I last blogged here, so hi to anyone who still bothers to pop by.

Basically, life hasn't been good.

But you know what?

If people don't want you in their lives, why do you need them?

I can most certainly live without people who don't care about me, or people who would rather bitch behind my back instead of telling me I have a problem. Like they say, the ones worth keeping are the ones who stay by you when you are at your worst.

Focused a lot on DMC rather than SDZ and with so much free time, I've been reflecting quite a bit. I'll admit that I wasn't the nicest person on Earth, nor do I think twice about others before I speak. It became such a bad habit that it ticked off a lot of people who were close to me.

Been trying to change really hard, but habits don't die overnight. I still slip into that same old horrendous attitude that I really hate pretty often.

When I was reflecting on my actions though, I started to realise that I was so unhappy in dance that my attitude became like that because I was so unhappy.

I wanted to pour all the unhappiness inside me unto the people around me because I was that sour a fella. It couldn't find an outlet so it reared its mighty fugly head in the form of sarcasm and brutal honesty.

Before entering poly, I was genuinely happy. During my gap year, all I did was have tuition, study, play LAN with the bros and girls, work and basically while the days away. I was so happy and contented with life and I treated the people around me really well too. That was also when I looked my healthiest even though I wasn't eating properly.

Then came school. I was happy at the start, but then the stress and problems wore me thin.

I look horrible now. I look tired, period. Plus my attitude to my friends and family have never been worse. I'm perpetually angry and upset, and I think my groupmates are honestly the only people who make me feel more at home than anything.

With them I am myself. I've never felt the stress to be someone I am not, and I don't feel the urge to be angry or annoyed. I am so goofy that if they caught my silliness and stupidity on film I would probably be hired to be a comedian or a paid joker.

I've lost a lot of friends with this shitty attitude of mine, but then again it goes to show who will stay with you at your worst and who would leave you because they can't stand you. It's God's will, I tell myself. He's preparing me for the freedom I'll eventually feel.. not now, but eventually. When the time comes, I'll be enjoying it with the people who matter most too.

It depresses me a lot to lose so many people I once thought I was close to, but then again I've been finding solace in the people who know me best, through the good times and the bad -- my secondary school friends.

Went to Mrs Sidhu's place for CNY like we do every year and I'm glad to say the sailors have not changed one bit - well, except for the fact that the guys are now all either buffer OR bald!

We talked about army, fitness, sailing, running, diet, our secondary school days spent sailing and nonsense all day long.

What else to say other than I honestly laughed the most sincere, honest and hearty laugh I've laughed in the longest time? It feels good to be home. I was so excited I literally ran to Mrs Sidhu's place when I was at Sembawang. :')


I'm gonna be seeing them again soon, which is good. Second round of gathering, here we come!

YP threatens us with a marathon though because the next time majority of us will be free is prolly in the month of March, and there's a 21km marathon then.

Till then, brothers.

p.s. A thousand times happier in the two photos from year 1.

p.p.s. SHINHWA BROADCAST. EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH SHINHWA BROADCAST BECAUSE ALL THE MEMBERS OF SHINHWA ARE TOO PRECIOUS. ESPECIALLY ERIC.

The Diary of an Insomniac

G'evening folks.

It's currently 4:25am and I'm finding it extremely hard to fall asleep even though I've successfully managed to switch my body clock back to the point where I'd start getting sleepy by 11pm.

I guess it's also because my right eye hurts quite bad now.

Not a 10/10 kind of pain, more like the pain that annoys you and I'm tearing nonstop because of the pain in my eye. It's as if something's pressing down on it and I can't afford to miss a whole day tomorrow really (but at this rate I see myself missing the only morning class we have) because 

1) my group has CA consultation at 12:30pm

2) Poly 50 and I'm running for CASS Club

I'm feeling really insecure about my weight.

I've gotten comments saying I look like I've lost weight? Which might be true because I am eating clean now and I train whenever I feel up to it.

Of course I still indulge and the past two weeks have been cheat weeks. Totally binged throughout and gave in to my cravings!

Oh wait, did you hear that? Yeah, that's my effort going down the damned drain.

Gwen, it's time to be more disciplined!

Body's not on my side now. Its repeatedly screaming "REST! REST! I NEED REST!"

Sorry body, I would love to treat you to some TLC because it's after Waves.. but right now I have so much to catch up on and I can't afford to rest even though I would love to.

Time to try getting some shut eye before TA consultation later on.

Laters, baby.

xx

Waves 17

...... is over. 
A huge thank you to my friends and family that came down to watch the production - I hope it wasn't a letdown!

Out of the two Waves I've been a part of, this was definitely the most trying and tiring. Well I guess I can't say for sure because I've only been a part of two Waves production and not more? But I can dare say I'll never struggle this hard again for other events I'll be a part of.

Broke down so many times, lost myself in the process.

I fought an internal war with myself. All everyone saw were smiles and joy slapped over my face but I died inside with each and every practice, every rehearsal. I isolated myself, made myself more lonely, becoming this person I am totally the opposite of. I was depressed everyday, and nothing I did could make me feel better about myself or my situation.

I hated myself for being this weak.

But I'm thankful I have good friends that brought me back - or rather, slapped me back (not literally) - to reality.

Just in time, too. I worked my ass off for the shirt and the booklet, even though I'd say 90% of the work was all Geisel. She stayed strong when her pub partner crumbled, so thank you. No one else but her saw the struggle I went through but she stuck by me through it all.

A huge thank you to my fellow main comm members, whom I can never thank enough for being such an awesome committee.

I am thankful to be in this batch, this committee.

x

Anything could happen, anything could happen..

Ellie Goulding LIVE in Singapore!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day I've been waiting for is finally here - ELLIE GOULDING IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!

3 years.. and my wish is finally coming true. So excited! Can't wait seriously. I honestly feel like I'm about to cry as I type this and I can imagine myself doing the same when I actually get to see her LIVE in person.

I wouldn't even mind paying extra to see her backstage or something if they have VIP passes and all.

Help I think I'm gonna faint from excitement hahaha oh my.

Little Mix

Currently in love with this song!

Gonna become a Mixer, slowly but surely. Which is weird, because I haven't fangirl-ed over any group for quite a while (back then I went gaga over the likes of 2PM and SHINee so.......)

I know I'm a little slow (oh dear I actually subconciously typed "I know I'm a little mix" at first) but I think this song's really good. Picked me up at the right moment and it was on replay for about 4 hours straight while I did my work until I went out of the house, and I never got bored of it.

So yay to me because I have a horrible day ahead of me tomorrow. Meh.

Reasons to have a Cat

So..

So, my Media Psychology lecturer decided to show my blog (only because I volunteered my blog's URL) to the class and my stupid face with my finger gun showed up on the screen.

For that period of time he had my blog shown on the board through the projector, scrolling up and down the length of my blog, my head could only be kept down because I was too embarrassed. Meh.

So hi to my classmates who never knew I had a blog then but know now!


What I've been up to for the first week of school:

1) Sleeping in class when I sit right infront of the screen (can you see the black reflective surface to the left of my MacBook? That's the screen) during mass lectures.

2) Was greeted by this during our first mass lecture on Monday.

Thank you to the people at CASS Club for this lovely welcome back pack (hey that's a tongue twister right derrrr)!

I've got three packs for myself heheh but of course I didn't consume all the lollipops.

3) Finally decided to give in to my must-save-money-and-calories ways for once, and tried something new at Starbucks with Shiying and Razis after getting materials for our costumes.

Ever since I started drinking Starbucks I only drank Dark Mocha with low fat milk. Green tea latte is now on my to-order list :)

And yesterday..

Went over to Ben's place with Sheri, Johnny, Azrul and Jevin to play with Ben's PS3 and Wii. Apparently the guys relived the kid in them as they played with Ben's nephew's toys such as this one called Dragon Snooker? (Photo above)

Is there a cartoon on that or something?

Oh btw check out his cute baby rabbits:

Sheri and I - the only girls present - decided to stay in the kitchen to cook for the guys while they enjoyed themselves. Ben was the only other person who helped cook quite a bit.

I guess with that we can go overseas as a group because we wouldn't have to worry about whether any one of us could cook! We present to you our awesome dinner.....

... of scrambled eggs, fried eggs with onion, pan-fried hotdogs and hash browns, mashed potatoes with butter, salt and pepper, and steamed pre-made yam rice which was really yummy.

No veggies because Ben hates vegetables though I really wanted to cook the carrots and tomatoes I saw in the fridge :(

Aaaand this was today's lunch of roti prata (from NTUC - about 202 calories, pan-fried with no oil/butter) with lettuce and hotdog in the middle.

Alvin called it an Indian burrito.

Anyway, dad made it for me earlier this afternoon and slobbered it with mayonnaise. I didn't notice at first and asked if he did add mayo in it and he replied with "A bit only!"

Knowing him and how "healthy" he is, I decided to check the inside and realised he covered the whole thing with mayo! That really upset me because my mom would never put mayo (if she did it would really be a bit) in food that she prepares for me.

I really miss her, she's been in Hong Kong for the past 5 days or so and she'll be back this coming Tuesday! Can't wait to see her.

Till next time!

Woes

Sometimes I don't know whether my hair is actually growing out or not and I'm like:

Okay really unglam shot of me from my Mac at like 5 in the morning but I don't really care because all I'm thinking about is my hair and why it doesn't seem to be growing out.

(In my hair's defense it's actually below my shoulders when it's wet! It's /that/ long for now but when dry it curls up like crazy - you're not a squirrel's tail, hair! - and goes above my shoulders)

I think I'll never get my hair to go back to being like this:

I really have no idea what I was doing right to get my hair to be like that in the past.

Oh why oh why did I decide to highlight it (which led to) > hair spoiling > me chopping off the lower half of my hair > growing it out > only to chop it off to be this super short, almost pixie-cut hairstyle?

Not to mention how if I want to look like that again in terms of weight-wise I'll have to lose the 10kg I gained since coming into poly. It's like I had the "Freshman 15" (more on that HERE) happen to me - only difference being me entering a polytechnic and not college.

Well all in all it's the same because food's suddenly even more readily available to you, what when you have breaks every hour or so to grab something/a drink or to freshen up yourself.

Food sold at FC6 (FoodCourt 6, the nearest foodcourt to where I sit all day to study/listen to lectures/work on projects) isn't exactly what I'd label healthy. Hello? We have fried doughnuts, a stall that sells loads of fried finger food like sausages, cheese balls, samosa......

Woes of life, woes of life :(

SDZ Presents Waves 17: The Queen: An Untold Fairytale

Singapore Polytechnic's SDZ (Strictly Dance Zone) proudly presents Waves 17: The Queen: An Untold Fairytale.

Giving a twist to the classic fairytale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, SDZ is bent on telling the world the untold tale that revolves around the common misconception that everyone has of the infamous Queen.

You thought she was the bad guy?


Think again.


------------

Date: 9 November 2012
Venue: Kallang Theatre
Time: 7pm
Ticket Prices: $16 (circle) / $20 (stall)

For ticketing information, please contact Alison at 9877 8397, or Alicia at 9817 3571. Feel free to check with any SDZ member for more information.

Hope to see you there!

http://strictlydancezone.blogspot.sg/p/waves-17-queen-untold-fairytale.html
http://twitter.com/SDZ_Waves17
http://twitter.com/spsdz

A little Irony

Funny how having too much time on your hands leaves you with nothing to do.

For the past 2 days I've been home sick so absolutely no dancing (surprise, surprise!) and all I've been doing was to lie in bed and read - before you judge me I must say it's a good book but the kinky sex parts do make me squirmish - 50 Shades of Grey.

Hey it's a good book and like I said the kinky parts make me feel really uncomfortable but I would love to read on and uncover Christian's past.

Recently - okay I'd be lying if I used the word 'recently' - I discovered I've been single for what, almost 2 years? Meh makes me depressed haha but oh well gives me a drama-free life in the relationship department so I guess all's good.

I just hate reading stories of romance and all, makes me feel really lonely and not to mention, envious.

Who has time to date when you date dance every other day? Hm?

If you don't follow me on Instagram (@gwendee), here's what I've been up to!

1) My GPA has jumped from a measly 2.7 to a 3.2!

To some with perfect GPAs and such it may not be a lot, but for me this was massive.

It jumped a holy 0.5, and I can't help but to show off and be happy about it because I know I worked my ass off this term juggling dance AND school, which meant I was in school for most of my waking hours. Literally 8am-11pm I was in school every bloody day.

Really thank God for such amazing groupmates. Arynah told me that she and Steffi agreed at the start of the school year to pull my grades up, and they did. Thank you both so, so much! Of course I love Sica bb just as much too! And Lyrenna!

2) Did you guess? I've officially taken up a job offer as a part-time amateur tailor.

Just kidding.

I hastily picked up sewing because we have to sew our own costumes for Waves 17 since it's more of a.. musical? rather than a full-out-dance concert.

My neighbour who used to own her own shop selling clothes she sewed told me that for someone who has never properly sewn an outfit before in my entire life, I actually have a talent and a gift for it because I managed to work out how to put together an outfit (I sewed a skirt, a hooded cape and am now working on a tulle skirt to wear as a petticoat) without help and she was impressed. My sewing skills though.. not much. It was embarrassing when I went down to ask for her help and there she was, picking at my thread because I sewed some parts wrongly.

Whoops.

And that massive contraption in the middle is my grandma's sewing machine which, unfortunately, failed on me when I needed it to work. Had my neighbour come up to help me thread it and all but it refused to sew me a decent line so I gave up.

Who needs an old Singer model when you have a crazy - and not to mention, intimidating - professional sewing machine at your neighbour's house? HM?????????????


Anyways, I just checked my page views to find that people are actually still checking up on my blog! Well done, I really have no idea what's interesting about my blog anymore so to the people who still linger around, thank you.

I promise RealityWorks will be a more lively space when I become an alumni or when I have lesser dance commitments...... whichever.