Exhausted much?

I don't know what I've just gotten myself into.

I feel as if my freedom just got taken away from me.. as if I weren't already busy enough. Already lost count of the number of friends I had to turn down due to having work/dance commitments.

It really sucks when your friends can't understand when something's really important to you. Like as if you can't breathe without it can't sleep without it can't nothing without it.

Okay I'm just exaggerating. But you get my point.

But it also sucks when you have to disappoint a friend or two (in my case it's 'too many') just cuz of your passion because for me it works both ways -- if I don't work I can't dance. If I don't dance there won't be a need to work.

In addition to my crazy schedule I have yet another commitment! Hallelujah shall we praise how smart I am?? "Whoohoo Gwen, well done. What a smartass. You never fail to do things without thinking."

Yep.

Funny thing is, I got myself into this predicament. So technically I should stop complaining and suck it up, shouldn't I?

And thanks to that particular additional commitment, I feel this burden really. But I've not gone all out for it yet so I guess I'll have to see how it goes. Who knows, I might end up liking it and it may not be as strict as I thought it would be. After talking to Inez and KL about it on the way back from *SCAPE I ended up crying on the way home because it hit me that I'm never gonna have any time for myself.

"Because only dancers understand dancers." I never really got it when Inez told me this. We were talking about how dancers usually date dancers because no one else would ever understand why they literally dedicate themselves to dance.

I guess I do now. People think I'm crazy, slogging my life away working everyday when I can actually use the time to relax and play. I trudge to work in the morning, skip to dance in the early evening and trudge yet again back home at midnight. It's a grueling routine I do everyday.

My typical schedule goes like this: Work from 10am-3pm, have lunch and relax till 5, take a train down to Somerset for sess at *SCAPE, dance till 11pm and train back. I usually reach home at 12.30am or so.

But y'all don't understand the fact that dancing isn't cheap. Not if you want to better yourself. I've never been this passionate about something before. I've never had such a strong urge to support something I like doing..... okay pardon me I meant love. For anything and everything I've done, I stopped halfway.

Like the Chinese saying goes, "ban tu er fei". I never completed anything -- Wushu, volleyball, badminton, sailing.. Okay no sailing doesn't count cuz I still love it.

So it's a miracle for me to love something and still love it after like years of doing it really. That's prolly why my parents don't question me on dance since they complain I never finish anything I start.

I really hope y'all will understand it when I can't meet y'all or when I have to push back dates.

And honestly, I've not had a day to myself since like 3 months ago. I'm so so so so so so so terribly tired I can't describe it in words. I'm mentally awake and alert but physically I'm drained and worn out.

If I'm not working or dancing I'm out meeting friends who arranged dates with me. Well since I can't devote my work-days to them I have to devote my off-days instead.

Again, I got myself into this so I guess I can only suck it up and move on. I'm tolerating my horrible life for now just so that I can improve in dance.

Just hoping this isn't gonna eventually kill me and backfire.

Carling Cup

(Click on the video to open it in Dailymotion if you can't view it here)

I have absolutely no idea how Szczensy and Koscielny managed to screw up. At the worst time too. Hello trophy cabinet drought. Couldn't help but feel pissed at the fact that we were this close to maintaining at least a draw.

The pride and joy of Arsenal you guys are.

Honest!

Second Thoughts/Back Brace?!

Finally some photos to save my blog with!

Took these around the house today since I was bored. Woke up to a really stiff back. It hurt like hell to the point that I swear I couldn't really sit up in the morning. After a while I managed to sit up (loads of groans in the process) but I found that I couldn't twist around without feeling the pain.

I don't wanna have to wear a back brace seriously.

Skipped work and wanted to go for Zaihar's.. but my back didn't agree and my stomach had to join in the party. Well done body, well done. Ganging up against the brain I see?

And oh I got both my packages from NYP and SP yesterday! Hello hell.

Aaron was telling me how troublesome it'd be.. and after going through just ONE part of the registration I agree 100%.

..... I wonder if signing up for primary/secondary school took my parents this much effort?

Kaba Modern Legacy dancing at the Louvre

Mmm I may be a bigger fan of Jap-style hip hop now (thanks to the likes of Inez and videos of WOC), but I still love watching people dance American hip hop. Kenny Wormald, Gigi Torres, Tony Tran and Mike Song in particular. ;)

And yessss from this video you can tell that Tony Tran's choreography and solo is PURELY for himself. Himself and himself only. Somewhat like O School's Zaihar..... distinctively unique style.

Oh great Dome Piece just started playing on my iTunes. Sick trackkkk, honest!

Mike Song I pray that you and your amazing choreographies to dubstep doesn't turn this genre into something mainstream. I PRAY.

p.s. Speaking of dubstep.....


...HOW CUTE IS THIS BABY!? Dubstep baby. Hell to the yeah.

On Replay

Tribute to my old, healthier hair that I miss so much :'(

And oh, my way better complexion.

Yeah my hair's shorter now. 'Nuff said.

(And my complexion shittier too thanks to all my scars. Itchy hands + bouts of skin becoming really, REALLY dry = awful scars)

I miss my old hair (the one in the first photo, before I decided to become some rebellious shiat and highlighted my hair.. ugh worst decision ever it changed me so much) and old fringe sigh. Really thinking of redyeing my hair to dark brown or black to get rid of the highlights!

Okay but whatev, my hair dries so much faster now so I'm thankful for that especially since I like to sleep after showering.

Da girlies are auditioning for the CJ Crew tomorrow via Project Up! Good luck to my dear babiessss I hope y'all do well and become a part of CJ Crew ;)

I didn't wanna audition initially. The hastle of remembering and editing my old sec2 choreo was too tiring for me to even think of....... okay no that's pure crap because I was just LAZY.

But yeah in the end I decided to just give it a shot since all my lovely dance girlies are too! Since I have work again tomorrow I'll have to audition alone next Sunday. Like really alone-alone because no one else is auditioning next week!

Was at Cass's belated 18th birthday BBQ earlier after work. YES MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND WORK NOW, I SEE THAT TOO UGH :'(

Missed the girls so much!

Anyways a while back there was something that bothered them... and right here right now I would like to tell y'all that I love my beloved girls which are Joey Tan, Cassandra Wong, Chia Shanai and Eileen Chua-the-muogutou!

I hope y'all know that regardless of what goes on around me I'll never forget you guys and that you'll always have a special place in my heart because I love you that much. Thanks for being around when no one else was, and thanks for believing in me and helping me fix my self-esteem and whatnot when I needed it the most. Y'all will never understand how truly thankful I am for a group of friends like you girls. This space would never be enough for me to express my love and gratitude for you all, and the fact that I'll always have your back(s) and vice versa(s). MUAHHHH.

Meh.

Whoa I've not been online for the longest time ever (using my laptop I mean) I swear.

My life has one word to sum it up. No okay, actually, 2. That'll be BORING and MUNDANE.

Yes, all I do everyday is report to work and then rush for dance later. I feel like a grown adult because now I understand how tiring it is for my parents -- or any adult, for this matter -- to have to go to work everyday whether they like it or not.

I used to complain about the days I had too MUCH time to do whatever I want and those were the days I could go out every single day and the only thing I had to worry about was whether I had enough money in my bank account.

I thought that sucked.

..Well I never expected this.

So yeah here I am, only able to use the computer because I woke up early to bake brownies for my beloved co-workers who are as equally tired as me. Meh. I don't even have time to bring my beloved Camcam out to take fouuuutous. Photos.

Whatever.

And oh, on a random side note I haz 35 questions to answer on Formspring.me. THANKS GAISE I LUV Y'ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR SPAMMING MY FS INBOX *gives teary face*

As much as I love answering questions on my Formspring.. 35 is a lot man really. But anywho fire away ASK MORE QUESTIONS PEOPLE.

Perennial

Haven't really blogged for a long time. Have been a real lazy kid tryna juggle work, dancing and whatnot.

T'was a happy day yesterday after meeting the dancers yesterday to sess. Inez taught me AnAn's choreo and I'm honestly quite shocked that I could catch up. Sappy as it sounds, dance has been my passion since ever. Hur corny much.

Someday I'll be as good as Tony Tran and Kenny Wormald. HAHAHA

Anywho. On the way to work now so yes I'm blogging from my iPhone say whut! And yeah it's 10am and I'm still at Tanah Merah. Ugh. Either I need to stop dilly-dallying, or I should just find another job no?? I don't know.. I guess I'm sick of working somewhere like REAL far.

To digress (yet again), I have to choose between meeting the bros for dinner and CNY at Yingpeng's house or meeting my girlies to sess at *SCAPE again after work. I'd call YP by his English name but saying Jack + place = Jack's Place haha the sailors couldn't get over that when we first figured. I miss them all so much really. But I guess that's what's amazing about this CCA cuz thanks to it I had a family away from family.

And oh, to digress one last time, I can't figure what to do to my hair. I'm already bored of my hair. Was thinking of snippin it slightly below shoulder length but I'll prolly miss my highlights and my red + copper brown + ash blonde hair and highlights. This hair colour was a total coincidence cuz after all the dyeing it just faded to this colour. Oh well..

/digression

Ugh I'm late for work c'mon trainnnn let's go let's go PALI PALI

Needs

Need to improve on popping. Need to improve on bboying. Need more ab strength. Need to improve on my control and hold for my moves. Need to stop throwing my head and shoulders. Need to improve on my up-bounce.

I need new kickz, I need my red Supra Vaiders which Boards & Stuff does not have because they carry size 7s while I'm a size 8. I need more clothes. I need my HIMYM/Scrubs DVDs.

I need everything.

Off-Day and Work Stuff

Finally had a day to myself! No work, no going out, no leaving the house for anything.

Relaxing? Yes. Kinda boring? Yes. Cuz there honestly isn't anything else to do on the internet. Facebook's getting boring and no one's Twittering much today. Hm..

Been sooooo busy with work recently it's ridiculous. Thank God my colleagues are a bunch of fun people so I enjoy working. Hate working on weekdays though cuz there's no crowd at all at the airport! Like act一个ghost town.

The random nonsense we did at work yesterday:

Emo Sing-A-Long doll!

We love playing with these dolls that sing when you press on their tummies. And it occured to us that among all the different dolls, the pink one has HAIR.

So we started styling them!

HAHAHA ALEX'S TWIN

We arranged the dolls like that on purpose. Symmetrical much!

Kim getting us to calculate percentages for her. And since my "Maths fail one" I passed the task to Alex.

And today:

Was sucking on an apple while watching some dance videos on YouTube and this was the result haha!

Clearing the old pile of bags in my room..

The discard pile. Look at that huge Blossom (Powerpuff Girls) tote bag omg hahaha.

Euuuuuuurgh look at my awful complexion.

Lack of sleep + itchy fingers + dry face = horrid complexion with ginormous eyebags!

Bruise on my arm. I have absolutely no idea how that got there after bboying.. it just did.

Hahaha very act cute I know. Was playing around with the digital camera (my DSLR's with Elie :( ) and realised that on Auto mode, if you take a photo of a person it'll change to another mode (okay duh everyone knows that).

The point is that this mode makes me look damn white! And my hair colour looks nice here. ;)

Okay shall continue packing my room! Won't have time to do it any other day thanks to dancing after work and all that.

Interview

Going to Singapore Poly later at 2pm for a written test + interview. Got shortlisted for my JPSAE application so hopefully all goes well and I'd become an SP Media and Communications student this year!

Time flies really. Been dancing a lot, and working almost every day's killing me slowly because I'm getting enough sleep. Yeah, blame the fact I insist on dancing after work.

But if there were a list of what made me happy, it'd look a lot like this:

• Dance
• Friends
• Family
• Chocolates
• Food
• Bubble tea

So dance is definitely something I love too much to not do. Can't imagining not dancing for like months or years.. if that ever happened I'd be dead or something.

I'm still very keen on trying out aggro! Was searching through some of my old posts when I came across the one on Cia's 17th birthday surprise last year..

"I'm contemplating taking up aggro skating for fun, but the price of the skates is one thing, the fact that I should be occupied with nothing but studies (and hip hop, once or twice a week I promised myself) at this point of time."

I've been contemplating taking up aggro since the December from two years back! While I was working at the YOG merch store with the babes Alex and Cel.

Well.. my new (or now I guess he's not new to me anymore la hor) colleague's an aggro-skater! So hm prolly would get some tips from him because it's not like dance where noobs could just go attend a hip hop course to learn the basics of a style and move on from there no??

JAE??

That was the first thing I did when I came back from dance.

Yeah I know that's the 2010 JAE booklet.. but close enough. I didn't get the 2011 JAE booklet.

Gonna submit everything only tomorrow morning over breakfast though.

Damn, I think I'm physically exhausted from working almost the whole week (either 9am-5pm or 11am-7pm shifts).

After lugging along my dance stuff to work for the past 3 or so days I finally put them to use because I finally met the girlies today for a quick sess. Felt like puking after doing a round of 6-step for some reason, but I danced a bit more and the feeling went away.

But when I was walking home from AMK MRT station I was literally trudging along. Terribly exhausted.

Too lazy to shower but of course I must. I'm the type that can't sleep unless I'm clean or something. And I'm currently the total opposite because while practising breakdancing earlier, the construction workers decided to, of all times, take out their brooms to sweep the dust + dirt off the floors and temporary carpeted walkways.

I swear, the cloud of dust that rose up stopped some from dancing. I did too haha.

Met Lazzie and his friend Darren today! He was walking past and said he recognised me from my blue sweatpants even though he was pretty far away hahahaha my signature thing maybe.

Darren's Lazzie's shifu, and Lazzie's my shifu. So Darren's now officially my "shifu x2" LOL self-proclaimed tu di-ness.

But okay at least I got a few pointers from both the Shifu and Shifu x2. T'was a fun day. Can't wait to session with them again cuz I wanna improve on my bboy so bad!

Which reminds me.. I might be going for O School's Bboy 1 course! Honestly I can't like, not-go because I really love bboying now for some reason. I'm gradually becoming more funk style rather than groovish.

Hope this won't make me lose my groove man ;)

Oh! Will be calling (and hopefully, meeting) my uncle's lecturer friend to talk about the course admission to SP.

I honestly can't wait for my Poly life to start. It's been a whole year.. when I saw my results I was so thankful. The hours (almost 8 or so per day, right?) I spent studying at the library and at home everyday paid off and for once people were telling me how PROUD they were of me.. something I've not heard in a while.

I can't believe I'm actually able to highlight the courses I wanna put down among my 12 choices. I honestly can't believe it.. surreal. I was kinda close to tears as I did that cuz for once I have TOO MANY choices to choose from that 12 is more than enough! I only wanna write down 4, but better to be safe than sorry no??

Terribly grateful for my friends and family that've helped me through this period man.. seriously. Without them I prolly wouldn't bother about studying hard. Saw some messages from my relatives to my mom. My grandaunt even said it was good news for the family. So yes, I'm very thankful for this tight family I've got here. Wouldn't want it any other way.

For those who didn't do well for O's (I totally don't mean this in a demoralising way).. I still love/like y'all and who cares about results man that's just a piece of paper. Can't help but think that some others think there's this barrier between us just because they didn't score as 'well' as me??

Like I said, I don't give a damn about how well/badly you do for examinations man cuz seriously man if that mattered so much why am I still your friend?

I'm far from being a snob please. Your personality is all that matters. I love y'all regardless.

On that note, I think I've blogged enough tonight! So see y'all real soon okay? I've gotta go shower and catch myself some Z's.

Nervous

I had the weirdest dream today. Dreamt that I collected my results and scored A1 for English and A2 for EMath. No idea why I never glanced about at the other subjects I took. Was happygurl93 until I woke up and realised I was still hours away from collecting it.

I hope that's not a sign that I'll do bad in my ACTUAL results.

D-day

Can't believe I'll be getting my "O" Level results back tomorrow at 2pm!

Pray hard that I pass EMath. My ticket to Poly!! But seriously, times flies. It feels like I just took my last paper a week ago.

Anyways, photos from today (or in this case, yesterday's) sess. Used the Canon Ixus camera that Dad bought from Perennial hahahaha. Oh the irony. He buys it but I still get to use it! And I got $50 in the process.

Then again he said I have to ask for permission first before using it, because it's HIS camera. Boo.....

Suina brought the extra jelly that she made for her company dinner!

Had a mini-picnic the moment we reached *SCAPE.

And look what my love for dance has done to my arms!!!

I feel like a man now ugh. I think I'm more muscular than the average Singaporean dude???!

If you think it looks big from this photo.. well I think it looks bigger in real life. But I kinda like my right arm now because it's slightly more toned than my left (which is in this photo) so it looks kinda nice.

I know I aim to train until I get the arms of a typical hip hopper but this is ridiculous. I mean have you seen the arms of the female teachers in O School? They're muscular but nice. Time to cut down on the bboying practice during sessions I guess..

SO YES IF YOU WANT TO BE BUFF PLEASE DO BBOY.

Trying to upload a video of Inez dancing to SHINee's "Replay" to Facebook but it's taking forever!

"2 hours, 25 minutes remaining"

Dude, it's been stuck there since an hour ago.

FML

I hate being broke. I hate being asked out. I hate the fact that I always have a tendency to say yes even though I very much wanna say no. I hate going out just cuz people make me feel guilty for not agreeing to go out, I hate having to spend money when I'm out, and I hate having to spend money WHILE AT WORK.

The whole point of working is to earn money right? But my money goes to the airport for my meals ugh.

I hate having to worry about putting aside money to buy my dance shoes/jeans/etc. I hate having to work for dance.

But above all that, I hate having to ask my parents for more money.

So what else to do but to be a good kid and to work for dance? Sometimes I wish my parents would stop seeing me as a spoilt kid. Because I try so hard to just live with it whenever I'm short on cash. I NEVER ask them for extra unless I really need it, but now I HAVE to find out that my dad complains to my colleagues about me taking extra money from him.

Hi, $40 for having basically all three meals outside + buying things I need + transportation fees isn't enough. Especially when I spend about $4 a day travelling from AMK to Changi and back when I work. And I work about 3-4 times a week??

I wish I could be a professional dancer and join competitions to win it and earn money man but truth is I'm not good enough.

I think I'm just tired. Frustrated that things aren't going my way in dance. I hate the fact that I'm trying so hard to get my basics right BUT I CAN'T. I have no power in my moves, I have no hold, no control.

I try so hard at practice to get it right but somehow I can't because I was dumb enough to go self-learn dance using videos without attending classes. I've learnt everything the wrong way and thanks to this thing we call "muscle memory", I'm doing everything wrong because my muscles have gotten used to doing up/down-bounce with my shoulders. Why do I use my shoulders when doing down-bounce?

Why do I stop breathing when trying to co-ordinate everything? Yes I am THAT bad at multitasking to the point that I stop breathing while Inez tells me what I'm doing wrong when I get slightly-more-intensive training from her.

Why am I so weak??

My home away from home; my family away from family.

At times like these I can't help but to think of y'all and hey what do you know I feel so much better. Love y'all so much!

Thanks for being my everything away from everything. If you even get what that means HAHA

"And I'm black y'all!"

An old video but entertaining nonetheless.

I listened to this on repeat today, no joke.

My back's hurting again. Not good. And it has been for the past.. I dunno say about 3-4 days?

Dad keeps blaming it on dance. Not like I'm gonna care, but this problem's costing my mom a lot of kachingggg. Been visiting the Chinese doctor at AMK marketplace more often than usual. During my last visit there the doctor said I had this joint/ligament #11 popping out?? The shit.

Sigh old problem from sailing.

Okay it's currently 6.18am. Gonna go out with cuzzie Mel tomorrow after her school ends so I better sleep now. Gotta think of where to go too - was thinking of Nex but it's all food I heard? And I've been feeling fat and bloated today since I've not really danced this whole week apart from Tuesday so yeah not in the right state to gobble up as much food as I deem fit.

Then Danzation with the girlies after! Ngee Ann Poly's NRA dance production hollerrrrrrrrr

I need new kickz, pronto.

(Those are my Reebok Monopoly Reverse Jam Mids by the way. The Monopoly money series pair that I hardly wear to dance now because I spotted a few scratches.. :( )